Have You Seen ULTIMATE AVENGERS: THE MOVIE Yet?!!

HOLY SCHIZA!!! Someone in Hollywood is finally THINKIN'!!!

Okay, I just saw ULTIMATE AVENGERS 2: RISE OF THE PANTHER and I REALLY DUG IT!!!

Which blows my mind!

Why? A number of reasons, but let's start out with the fact that it's a STRAIGHT-TO-DVD RELEASE and it's GOOD!!!

Granted, Disney's been releasing decent-to-good sequels to its big animated hits since the late 1990s. But they were the exception. Any -- and I mean ANY -- live-action flick that is released straight-to-video is gonna be sub-par. I simply HAVE NOT seen the exception to that rule. (And I've tried! From the straight-to-VHS sequel to SALEM'S LOT back in the mid-80s to the so-called "horror" films produced by Highland Myst to H.G. WELL'S WAR OF THE WORLDS just a couple of years ago, straight-to-video is synonimous with "sucks".)

BUT... I saw ULTIMATE AVENGERS: THE MOVIE on the shelf at Walmart around 3:00 am one Tuesday morning, and you could get it -- brand spanking new, just-hit-the-shelves --for $14 OR you could pay the standard (yet, still reasonable) $20 and get a free, limited-time-only tiny, tiny comic book with it!!!

The tiny, tiny limited-time-only comic book had me at "Hewwo".

It was a Comic Book movie (good...), it was animated (good...), it was the Marvel characters (um... if you grew up in the '80s... not so good...), and it was a straight-to-dvd release (definitely BAD)... But I had the money, and I knew someday I'd have the time, AND... tiny, tiny comic book...!!!

So I opened it, thumbed through the tiny, tiny comic book without actually reading it or spoiler-ing it for myself, and shelved the flick for a bit.

Then one night, maybe even a month later, I had time to watch a movie, and was in the mood for something I hadn't seen. I remembered ULTIMATE AVENGERS: THE MOVIE (my best friend Kelly has this great schtick about films subtitled ":The Movie" wherein he immitates a disgruntled audience member seaking out the theater manager... "I'm sorry, but when I saw the title 'Superman' I assumed that when I sat down in the movie theater I would be treated to some sort of reading, or perhaps a slideshow of comic book pages on the screen so that I could read them myself, I wasn't expecting to see a motion picture.... I'd really appreciate a refund... And perhaps you could put some sort of disclaimer on the poster, to warn others in the future.") and I watched it.

And I was AMAZED! It FELT like I was watching A MOVIE!!!

Let me clarify: I bought a collection of episodes of THE HULK animated TV series and the FOX SPIDER-MAN animated TV series, and I saw the same animated junk I expected to see. These were stories that actually made it to the Small Screen, and they were just about as bad as I expected (though worse than I secretly hoped). Whenever I buy a straight-to-dvd movie, I know what I'm getting into, hope I'll be proven wrong, and never -- to memory -- am.

The thing about (a) animated features that are released straight-to-video and (b) ANY feature released straight-to-video is that they don't FEEL like movies... They feel like a bunch of scenes cobbled together the best the filmmakers know how to do, written in that "and then this happens and then this happens and then..." fashion of screenwriting. here's no emotional involvement on the part of the audience. there's no real REASON to keep watching... you just do because you paid the money.

But right from the start, ULTIMATE AVENGERS: THE MOVIE FELT like a movie!!! I had a sense of awe, a sense of grandness, a sense that I was experiencing some EVENT. LIKE I WAS IN A THEATER WATCHING A MOVIE!!!

And the movie kep on that way to the end!

I watched it again with Brian months and months later, and I enjoyed it a second time!

Now, the animation is what you'd expect from a TV show, and the acting -- while REALLY GOOD -- isn't motion picture acting. (It's FAR ABOVE what you'd expect for most animation, but not as subtle or nuanced as, say, an Edward Norton or Morgan Freedman performance.)

And right there on the dvd is a preview for THE SEQUEL, OUT LATER THAT YEAR!!!

So I'm like "I can have MORE of this?!!"

Now, WHY exactly am I so excited about high-quality straight-to-dvd movies?

Because there's this Punk Rocker/Artistic Rebel Guy in me. I don't believe that you should HAVE TO pay The Hollywood Machine money on Opening Weekend to enjoy a great cinematic experience. The Hollywood Machine has become this bloated, wasteful, gluttonous beast that is just as likely to slap CGI on a turd and bombard you with TV commercials until you give up and go look at the damn thing as it is to give you a truly exciting emotional experience. Hollywood doesn't know what's good; it only knows what it can sell. If you see a good Hollywood Studio flick, it's because the FILMMAKERS made sure it was good. The Studio doesn't give a fuck if you get your money's worth. (Look at the last 4 BATMAN flciks for evidence of that -- Burton thinks her's this genius (and sometimes he IS, but not as often as he thinks), Schuemacker thought he was making the '60s TV show, but Nolan was trying to make a good Batman film. Look at Bryan Singer (Filmmaker)'s first 2 X-Men films and his Supeman film, then look at Brett Ratner (Hollywood)'s X-Men film.)

If your artistic medium is filmmaking, you assume that you have to work for Hollywood. Because that's the way it's been forever and ever. If you wanna make great cinema, you have to make a Studio Picture because that's just the way it is.

But I disagree!

See, back in the 1970s, great filmmakers made movies for TV, too! Smaller budgets, but still GREAT FILMS! And the audience got to enjoy them FOR FREE!!! (Until the age of 7 I lived in a 3-room -- not 3-bedroom, but 3-ROOM -- house and the only source of entertainment we could afford was a tiny black-and-white TV. At the moment, I can't even afford TV because my set can't even get local stations without cable, and I'm not paying TimeWarner Cable's ungodly prices!!!)

I can think of 4 GREAT examples of the type of filmmaking I'm talking about...

In 1981 I saw this great, very scary movie called DARK NIGHT OF THE SCARECROW on TV. I have seen scarecrow-related movies made in this century that didn't COME CLOSE to being as riveting and genuinely scary as this flick was! (And they probably cost more to make, too!) I tracked down a VHS copy on Amazon or EBay and watched it again last year...

STILL SCARY!!!

In 1971 Richard Matheson wrote an an edge-of-your-seat flick about a guy driving cross-country being pursued by a malignant and enigmatic truck driver. The flick was DUEL. I have it on VHS, but it's available on Special Edition dvd now. If you've heard of the flick it's probably because it was directed by first-time feature director SteVen Spielberg.

THE MOVIE WAS WRITTEN BY LEGEND RICHARD MATHESON AND DIRECTED BY SOON-TO-BE-LEGEND STEVEN SPIELBERG, AND AMERICAN AUDIENCES GOT TO SEE IT FOR FREE!!!

Also, fans of THE X-FILES know that genius creator Chris Carter was inspired by the TV series KOLCHACK: NIGHT STALKER. What they may NOT know is that the series was a spin-off from 2 TV movies (also, it happens, written by Richard Matheson), THE NIGHT STALKER (1972) and THE NIGHT STRANGLER (1973).

I've watched all of these titles within the last year, and all 4 stand the test of time! I mean, yeah there's a distinct generation gap of storytelling -- you gotta be able to watch movies at a slower pace to really appreciate them, but the storytelling is there!

So why does straight-to-video have to suck?

It DOESN'T! It sucks because the distributors know they can't pay Spielberg to make their movie, so they high some fresh-out-of-film-School schmuck who talks a decent game to make the movie. Turns out Fresh-Out-Of-Film-School TALKS better than he shoots! (Go figure...) But the distribution companies make their profit, so they're happy to go on distributing disappointing garbage.

MEANWHILE, back at the ranch...

GENUINELY GOOD filmmakers have ideas for movies that A LOT of people will enjoy, but just not EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD, so they don't get to make their films because Hollywood Studios ONLY want to sell movies to EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD. (They have a lot of expensive Executive "Producers" to pay, so they want to make all the MONEY in the world... They have no interest in Chump Change.) So the genuinely good filmmakers have to sell their souls to get a paycheck.

But it doesn't HAVE TO be that way!

Let's say you wanna make a movie that only the Fan-Boys out there will like... Why not make it for less thatn $150 million and release it on dvd? That way only the Fan-Boys will buy it! You don't have to deal with complaining theater owners, because your not cluttering up their pocorn-and-candy restaurants with a movie that few will come to see! The people who WANT TO see it WILL see it!

THAT'S the way filmmaking distribution SHOULD be!

However, my friend Kelly has this astoundingly enlightening saying: "In Hollywood, everyone wants to be second." No one wants to be the FIRST to be interested in a script, to try a genre that hasn't made money in 20 years, to try a new way of doing things... They want to see it work, see SOMEONE ELSE make the money, then swoop in and be the second to collect on this new cash-cow.

In other words, no one is going to make GOOD direct-to-dvd movies until someone else makes a ton of money doing it.

Then EVERYONE will be doing it!

Think about it... NO ONE was making Comic Book movies until Tim Burton's first BATMAN. Then Burton got lazy, but BATMAN RETURNS made money, so they kep making movies. By Schuemaker's last Batman film, Comic Book movies weren't making money any more. Then Bryan Singer came in and made X-MEN, and then someone caught on (fuckin' FINALLY) that GOOD Comic Book movies MAKE MONEY!

And so we Fan-Boys have been blessed with some of the most phenominal Comic-Book based cinema in the history of Film!!! (Not just your SPIDER-MAN and BATMAN BEGINS, but also Miller's SIN CITY and Moore's V FOR VENDETTA!!! The Underground stuff as well as the Main Stream!!!)

So my hope -- my Impossible Dream -- is that Lion's gate (the distributor) and Marvel will make A KILLING on their quality made-for-dvd features, and distributors will start looking for talented, commited filmmakers to provide the dvd-buying/-renting audiences with QUALITY movies... Movies that they HAVEN'T seen trailers for a bazillion times on TV for the past month!

I want earnest young filmmakers to have a venue to cut their teeth and gain experience AND collect a paycheck without selling their artistic souls, but more than that I want AUDIENCES to be able to stumble upon some cheap dvd they haven't heard ANYTHING about, and be pleasantly surprised by thier viewing experience!

Let the good thrive and let the jaded-and-talentless die penniless deaths!!! (Note that I included "jaded" in there... The enthusiastic-and-talentless shoudln't suffer... How much fun would the world be without GLEN OR GLENDA or PLAN 9 FROM OUTTER SPACE?!)