SAHARA Rules!!!

Okay, I've got a Two And A Half Foot Batman story to share with you, but for some reason I'm having trouble uploading the pics via Blogger.com, and I feel that Two And A Half Foot Batman stories work best with visual aids. So pleas bare with me, and I'll get the latest to you as soon as I figure out what's wrong with the site/programs.

In the meantime... I had a GROOVY day!!!

The day started with bad news. My friend Chuck in Florida, I mailed him... something. he reads the blog from time to time, so I won't share with you what I mailed him. But it was returned today! (With a charge of $4.69, no less! Not only did the US Postal Service NOT provide the service I paid them to provide, but THEY CHARGED ME to return the package to me!)

That SUCKS!!! I've had this ongoing email conversation with Chuck about mail, even going so far as to track down the etymology of the word, just to have something to say to him to keep the subject alive without sayinf "I sent you ------"! But then today I discovered why he hadn't recieved his package yet.

Anyway, that's the only thing I can complain about with this day.

The ACTUAL start to the day was an hour earlier, when UPS delivered a parcel containing this fragrance -- Farhrenhiet, by Christion Dior -- that I'd ordered last Thursday/Friday (it was Thursday Night for me, but Friday morning by normal standards). I haven't worn a scent since I was, like, 16. Back then the only scents I had access to were inexpensive, and didn't mix well with my body chemestry. And I learned, VERY QUICKLY, that my natural scent was surprisingly effective to the ladies I pursued...

I'm 34 now, and I don'tpossess the bod I did back then. So I decided to ask My Super-Hot Best Friend Traci what fragrances were alluring. She had one Number 1: Fahrenheit. She named a few more that were less expensive, but I wasn't interested. She has a PRIMAL reaction to the scent of Farhrenheit, so that's the one for me!!!

Don't get me wrong here, I don't believe I can turn our friendship into a Friends With Bennifits situation. But I figure that women will, generally, react similarly to the scent, and any womane who recognizes the scent will know how much it costs and therefore judge me as a cat who will go a little extra for her pleasure.

Blah. Whatever.

Anyway, the scent makes me feel better about my attractiveness, and THAT'S what it's worth to me.

Okay, so that's groovy. But groovier still is the NEXT parcel that arrived: Brian's birthday is this Friday, and I discovered a present that will give him HOURS of child-like glee!!! (He doesn't usually read this blog, but I'm still not going to disclose the present here, JUST IN CASE.)

Now,. because I'm the selfish bastard I am, I also ordered some dvds for myself with Brian's birthday present. So I now own ROCKY & BULLWINKLE & FRIEND: THE COMPLETE SEASON 2 and NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD: 30th ANNIVERSARY EDITION!!! And that's WAY-COOL!!! (I have both the original DAWN OF THE DEAD and the Unrated Director's Version of the remake, AND I've had Season 1 of Rocky & Bullwinkle & Friends since it first came out, unable to buy the second season for a while now!)

Okay, so all that is ridiculously cool to me.

But then I got a call from Traci -- always a joyful thing -- and she had her SECOND INTERVIEW for this job she really wants today! And from what she described, I think it went well!!!

Now that's some REALLY good news! (Don't get me wrong, I DIG geeking out on my personal stuff, but what happens to the people I love is infinitely more imorptant to me!!!)

By the way, a side note:

Any of you who give a shit about this blog and who are spiritual, PLEASE pray for brian and Traci to get the jobs they are hoping for!!!

I don't care what faith you are -- I am against organized religion (and I doubt I'll ever elaborate on this blog about my spiritual beliefs); I only believe in spirituality -- but however you express your spirituality, I ask you to send Love and Light to my brother and one of my very best friends to get the jobs they each seek. If you can, just believe that they each deserve the bennifits their respective job prospects will provide them.

Okay, so: Chuck's package returned; bad. BUT, I got my "new scent"; good. I got Brian's birthday present BEFORE Friday; good. I got new dvds for me; good. Traci's job interview went well; good.

This is all between the time I woke up -- around 1:30 pm -- and the time Brian and I had our weekly dinner with Mom -- usually around 5:30 pm.

Then Mom took us to The Brick Oven for diner!!! I had an Italian Stromboli which was DIVINE!!! And Mom ordered some lasgna for Gan-gan -- her mom -- which Brian and I gt to accompany Mom to take to Gan-gan's pad!!!

Brian hadn't seen Gan-gan's pad before, so this was a new thing for him. I have seen Gan-gan's pad, and I dig the vibe there! (Plus, you know, GAN-GAN!!!)

Turns out Gan-gan is a GILMORE GIRLS fan!!! That's cool information to have!

Then Brian and I returned home and watched SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES, a film based on a Ray Bradbury film, screenplay written by Bradbury himself! This was my second time to see the flick, and Brian's first time as an adult. (He had seen parts of it as a kid; but you really can't enjoy the movie for all that it is until you've reached at least 30 years of life.)

Then we went to Walmart and I got to give Brian a bamboo Banzai tree. (His non-bamboo one died a year or so ago, and the bamboo one I own was given to me by my dear friend Regina. And it seems that some of the "luck" inherent in the bamboo Banzai is in it's giving...)

Then we retruned and watched GHOST DOG:THE WAY OF THE SAMURAI with Forest Whitaker -- which was BAD-ASS!!! -- and finished off the night with SAHARA -- which turned out to be as great and fun as I had hoped!!!

In fact, the guy at The Movie Imporium that sold it to me wasn't a fan of Clive Clussler's Dirk Pitt novels, but said the movie "was better than it had any right to be". I agree. With the qualification that a great writer and a great director and a great producer -- and/or a great cast -- can easily turn a mediocre novel into a FANTASTIC movie!

I want to say that it was Howard Hawks who told Ernest Hemingway (after a particularly disappointing adaptation of one of Heminway's novels) to give him one of Hemingway's worst short stories and he'd make a great movie out of it. This was to illustrate the point of the difference fo what cinema does with storytelling versus what novels to with storytelling. particularly detailed storytelling is best done with novels. But more simplistic storytelling often fares best in cinema.

Blah.

I'm rambling now.

The point: THIS WAS A GREAT DAY!!!

And I wouldn't trade my life for ANYBODY'S life!

Hope you're at least HALF as happy with your day as I am with today!!!

Not A Bad Monday

Here's a fun start to the day...

I woke up around 1: pm after hitting the Snooze button on my alarm a few times after a very, very cozy sleep.

I had to pay rent a do a couple of other things before work, though, so I HAD TO get up and get moving.

So I drag myself out of bed, drape my robe over myself and pad into the kitchen in search of some fast and easy breakfast.

I hear this dragging sound on the carpet and look around, wondering if maybe Brian is dragging-ass, too.

What I see is Two And A Half Foot Batman and it looks like he's got mischief on his mind.





















But it looks like he didn't figure on Twelve Inch terminator.

Hell, I wouldn't have figured on 12" Terminator! As many times as I've been alone in Brian's room burning cds or whatever, he never said a word to me, never moved a metalic muscle. I just assumed -- as ANYONE would -- that he was just another of Brian's myriad action figures/replicas!

But I guess 2.5 Foot Batman dragging a hammer toward Brian's domain is what it takes to get his attention.

There's this stand-off for a few eternal second, but Two And A Half Foot Batman eventually relented.
















I don't blame him. The glowing-red-eyes thing kinda creeped me out, too. (I had NO idea he could do that!)

The rest of the day was way-cool. I got EVERYTHING done that I needed to do, and i even got to enjoy a completely ineffable power outtage at work! We lost power for 18 minutes -- UNHEARD OF in my decade at the station!!! -- that wasn't our fault, and there was nothing we COULD do but ride it out. So we did, and the power came back on in time for the 6pm newscast, so the damage was kind of minimal.

Strange day. But not unwelcome.

PLUS... I helped out the head of promotions for my station and she gave me a swag copy of Dave Matthews Band's new album STAND UP, and it's REALLY, REALLY GOOD!!! I only had 2 of their albums before this one, but I dig their sound, their whole vibe. There's something to them that's outside my usual taste in music, but really gratifying in some way I can't articulate.

Anyway, stange day. But groovy..

Good Coffee, GREAT Company!

Great day!!!

I woke up with an urge to turn my book-on-tape version of Douglas Adams's masterpiece LAST CHANCE TO SEE into cds.

For my own personal library, of course. I have no desire whatsoever ro traffic in Black Market Douglas Adams books-on-cd!

But I do want to listen to them in my car on my way to work!

Brian was working on something in the living room, so he didn't mind my using his computer for a few hours.

From around 3:30 pm until 7:30 pm I recorded the tapes into the PC. Then Brian and I went over to Traci's, arriving around 8:00 pm. She has a new computer and doesn't like putting things together and doesn't feel competent with computers. (One of the smartest, wisest and most savvy people I know, Traci can quote STAR WARS with the geekiest of geeks, knows music and musicians inside and out, and can not be beat for her Pop Culture knowledge; and yet she has spent less time on a computer than your average 8 year old. Part of her charm.) So Brian and I descended upon her PC parts and had her computer up and running in no time.

Then we three went to one of the few coffee houses I had never been to before, a place called Dolce Vida. Decent enough coffee, but mostly I think you go there for the vibe. Very cool. We sat on the deck -- so Brian and I could smoke -- and talked about Life and the future and science and philosophy and spirituality and whether or not women look hot in overalls, and lost of stuff I can't remember at the moment.

At one point this surprisingly small horse bounded up to our table looking for some affection, with a guy trailing behind it holding onto the very long rein. A second revealed that it wasn't a very small horse but a very large dog, and the rein was actually a leash. The dog's own was the sort of guy that seemed entirely in his element walking a frisky dog on a Sunday night past a coffee house. He was this friendly guy with shorts, a tank-top and a bandanna on his head. He explained, a little apologetically, that his dog -- I forget her name -- was an attention whore, and that she had to be pet by everyone she saw. He went to share that she had a particular interest in the ladies, and particularly women wearing skirts -- she loves to flip up girls' skirts with her nose. He said the ladies don't seem to mind, but the irony was that he's gay, and these girls probably thought he was some hetero perv who taught her to do this. (Actually, he started to say "straight-bot" I think, but then corrected himself and said "straight". I remember this because I hadn't heard that term before and found it hysterical.) After a while of pleasant conversation, the skirt-chasing lesbian dog was ready to move on to some other patrons of the coffee house and the guy explained that he was stoned and just rambling on and the two moved on to the next table.

YA GOTTA LOVE AUSTIN!!! KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD!!!

Brian and Traci and I continued our conversation until midnight, when the coffee house closed. Then we went back to her place and talked until around 2:20 am.

Back home, I put a load of laundry in the apartment complex laundry room and resumed the conversion of my Adams book while Brian crashed on the couch watching STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY. I had recorded both sides of both audio cassettes, and now had to find logical breaks in the narative so that the cds would have multiple tracks (as opposed being 2 45-minute tracks per disc).

Turns out this endevour bore unexpected fruit. I was doing it just so I could easily find my place when I had to stop listening mid-cd. But when I was finally ready to burn the discs I discovered that the tapes ran long -- just over 80 minutes per disc; which, I'm sure you know, recordable cds are not setup to handle. So I rearranged my tracks to fit across 3 cds -- something that would have been impossible if I hadn't gone to the extra trouble of dividing the narrative into several tracks -- and was able to burn my cds! (I even converted the tracks into mp3s, in anticipation of the time when I finally break down and buy an iPod.)

I now have a product that NO ONE ELSE HAS: Douglas Adams' LAST CHANCE TO SEE ON CD!!!

...actually, with the proliferation of technology that we enjoy now, I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only cat that owns a cd version of this. But I'm THE only person THAT I KNOW OF that has this! For some stupid-ass reason Sound Editions never bothered to produce a cd version of this book. And the book-on-tape version is out of print. You can still find harback and paperback copies of the book itself, but you'll have to excert some effort.

But the book-on-tape version is read by Adams himself!!!

This is something I've been wanting to do for some time now, because magnetic tape just doesn't last as long as discs. And if you bought THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY book-on-cd now, you wouldn't be able to buy the version read by Douglas!!! Disney apparently bought out the rights to the book-on-cd and had Stephen Fry reread the novel!!! Luckily I have the original version read by Douglas Adams already!!! As well as 2 more of the HITCHHIKER'S books and both the DIRK GENTLY books read by him.

But TRY finding copies of these to purchase now!!! YOU CAN'T! I suspect that Disney just bought the rights to all his stuff, so that if you want to hear the book-on-cd verion you'll have to wait for them to produce it and buy it from them.

And I have spent A LOT of money over the last 15 years collecting Adams's work both on paper and on cassette or cd, and I'm not prepared to give Disney my money to RE-PURCHASE this stuff! PARTICULARLY since none of it will ever be read by Adams again! (Many people don't know that Douglas was just as talented as a performer as he was as a writer! In fact he really started writing so he would have material to perform, in the vein of Monty Python and many other comedians. And no one interprets his work quite the same as he does!)

Anyway, it's almost 7:00 am now and I need to get to sleep.

PEACE!!!

Pensive Saturday Night

Should I feel flattered by these advertisers that "comment" on my blog?

I don't know if you've noticed, but a couple of my entries have, like, 2 comments, and when I go to look at them it's like "Nice blog. I have a blog about edible shoes" and then it gives a link to a site that tells you all about the comfort and tastiness of this particular brand of edible shoe.

My knee-jerk reaction was "Advertisers! They'll do ANYTHING to get you to buy their product!"

Don't get me wrong, when I have a product to sell -- say a dvd or audio story cd -- I'll be the exact same way! I will whore my stuff like a... a... whore. You know.

But my innitial inclination was "They're using my tiny little audience to sell their stuff!"

But then my ego jumped in and goes "HEY! That's a GOOD thing!"

And here's my reasoning:

TV and radio are all about advertising. I know YOU watch/listen because you want to see your favorite stories/ hear your favorite music. But why would, for instance, The WB show you SMALLVILLE for free? Philanthropy? Are they trying to sell you dvds? No. The dvds didn't come out until AFTER THE SECOND SEASON. They didn't even know they had a sellable ("saleable"?) property until the show was renewed, and then was a success it's second season as well!

The reason The WB shows you SMALLVILLE "for free" is that they're selling advertising slots. people are watching SMALLVILLE, and so advertisers buy the privilage to advertise their products during the time that you're tuned in to watch a show you like.

Same with radio. Say you like listening to Evanescence and System Of A Down. A tatoo parlor buys 30 seconds of your attention on a station that plays Evanescence and SOAD music.

So okay. There are some people who -- apparently -- read an entry or 2 of my blog and decide "I'm gonna leave a comment on this cat's blog that will direct his readers to my site".

Is that a bad thing?

If we produced an audio miniseries and sold it to a radio station, I would TOTALLY expect that station to sell ad space to recoup -- and hopefully make a prophet from -- the money they paid us to air it. Same with a TV show I wrote/produced.

So I wonder if maybe I should feel FLATTERED by the fact that someone would look at what I do and think that there might be enough people interested in it to get a few clients off the back of my endevors.

I mean movie studios and/or production companies -- cinema being the Odin of all entertainment forms, in my view -- only hire you if they believe your name or your work will make them a lot of money. Right?

I mean, it would be A LOT COOLER if someone said "We'll pay you X amount of money to keep writing your blog, provided that you also allow us to advertise our product there."

But still, there's something to be said about the fact that maybe someone actually sampled my product -- "my product" being my life as translated by me into the words which you are now reading -- and decided that I might draw enough attention to myself that some of it my spill over to them. Right?

I mean, it's not like you go to a singles bar with your homeliest friend, right? You go with the hottie, hoping that some of his/her leftovers will maybe take an interest in the quiet-brooding-friend, right?

So maybe some of these advertisers GET what a hoopy frood (read Douglas Adam's THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY for a definition) I am and CHOSE my blog as a venue for some attention.

I mean, it's also possible that these cats are just radomly attatching their "comments" to ANY blog that exists... But that explanation doesn't fondle my ego like MY explaination does.

Blah.

OOH!!! My friend Dominic turned my onto a FANTASTIC website: www.etymonline.com!!!

He didn't know about the site beforehand, but he's the reason I found it. See, we were areguing (I use the term extremely loosely) about the derivation of the phrase "the cut of one's jib". I asked him if he knew the "antomology" of the word, and he suggested that I meant "etymology", since "entomoligy" was the study of trees.

I rebutted that "entomology" was the study of insects, and that he was perhaps confused because of the characters of the Ents of THE LORD OF THE RINGS.

So we both retreated to the Internet to prove our respective cases.

See, Dom's a smart cat, so when I argue real stuff with him -- "real" refering to matrers that have definite answers, as opposed to matters of taste, subjective matters -- I'm never on steady ground. I CAN'T TOUCH him at Jeopardy!

So I HAD TO KNOW how far off I was.

So searching for the correct spelling and definition of "etymology" and "entomology" I stumbled onto the site www.entymonline.com!!!

Dom was right about etymology, but I was right about entomology.

Though I didn't get to enjoy my victory because he had dropped the argument about entomology the moment he suspected I might have a point. (Smoothe move, if I'm honest about it. I would have had to go on arguing my point until I was proved wrong, then had to spend 20 minutes explaining my mistake...)

But what's so badass about www.entymonline.com is the fact that I AM SO ABOUT the etymology of words!!! This is something I got from my dad. Around 15- or 16-years old I used to come home from Horror or Sci-Fi movies and go "The special effects were so REAL!" And Dad would explain that the effects weren't "real" they were "realistic". And I think that was the beginning of my understanding that language doesn't simply provide clumbsy symbols for ideas, events and objects but provides SUBTLE, NUANCED symbols that can sometimes very effectively transport those ideas/objects/events CLEARLY and PRECISELY into the mind of the person one is communicating to!!!

And that's apparently what etymology is ALL ABOUT!!! "Etym" is Greek for "true sense" and "logos" is the ancient Greek word for "word".

Oh and, as it turns out, the phrase refering to the "cut"of one's "jib" is an old nautical term that refers to the cut of a ship's foresail (or "Gibb"), or even the shape of a person's face. An experienced sailor could tell a great deal about a ship's capability by the cut of the ship's gibb. And eventually a world-weary man could tell a great deal about a person's character by the "cut" of his/her face.

Turns out Dominic already knew this, too. (Though he arbitrarily chose not to share it with me...)

But I WAS RIGHT about entomology!!!

:)

Fun w/Roommates

I got paid this weekend and today I bought this ship's supply of rum. (I can't drink it, of course, because I still have 5 more months of probation for my DWI back in November of 2000; but Brian rather enjoys the stuff.) But they only had one of the two brands this crew favors.

Now, I've had a ROUGH day at the office, and spent the last hour BORED... OUT... OF... MY... MIND. There wasn't any work left for me to do -- I had completed EVERYTHING I have to do on Fridays in a mere 9 hours (being facetious here) -- and I couldn't read my book -- Ray Bradbury's THE OCTOBER COUNTRY -- for fear of passing out right then and there.

So when I got home with the booty, I had a mischievious air about me.

I stripped the bottle of its lable and put it where the liquor goes, but with a challenge issued on a 3x5 card:

Brian is to GUESS, without uncorking the bottle, which brand of Whaler's rum I purchased, take a shot of it, and if he's wrong he has to take a SECOND shot.

The trick is this:

His brand of Whaler's is "Killer" Coconut, a very sweet and insideous incarnation that tastes just like coconut juice, but packs a whollup about hald an hour after you've embibed it. My brand is Great White, an incarnation of rum that actually warns you what you're getting into with it's bitter taste (that's why I like it: the warning), but pounds on you much more quickly.

Looking at the liquid, one is more likrly to guess -- wromgly -- that it's the tarter of the two.

And thus, I suspect that my dear brother will be forced to down 2 shots when he was expecting only one!

...

Okay, now that I look at it on the screen, it seems a rather lame game.

But it SEEMED like FUN when I invented it!

Blah.

I'm gonna watch go play some Tomb Raider.

Ignoring The Evil Voices...

There's and episode of JUST SHOOT ME called "Puppetmaster" in which Laura San Giacomo is dating French Stewart. And French Stewart plays this guy who's got this puppet show on TV that he does himself.

After their a date Laura's character notices that a new character on the show says or does something that is very much like what happened on their date, only French's character seems to be criticizing her.

She talks to him about it, thinking that maybe she offended him, but he didn't know how to deal with it except by venting it on his show, with his puppet characters, but he assures her it's not a problem and that "they're just puppets".

Naturally, though, the situation progresses to the point where French's character is obviously very emotionally disturbed and he's using his puppet show to seriously mess with Laura's character's head!

Okay, I'm admitting here that I am not a well man. And the knowledge that there are actually a couple of people reading this is DANGEROUS in my hands!

As I sat down to update this, I had to fight off the wicked temptation to screw with 3 of my friends using this blog.

Doesn't matter who, just know that if I know you're probably reading this, I owe you a deep and sincere apology, and I offer it with all humility!!!

I'm bad...

Anyway, read Chapters 10 - 13 of the new Harry Potter book last night!!!

Didn't get any work done, but I found some time to read!

That's after Mom and Brian and I ate Chinese food. (Twin Lions.) And after I watched too much Neurotically Yours. (I bought the 2 dvds off their website, www.illwillpress.com.)

OOH! AND I've almost completed the second level of Tomb Raider: The Lost Artifact!!! It's one of those in-between games that Eidos made, kind of a Tomb Raider 3.5, that only has, like, 5 levels. (They could sell them cheap enough to get you hooked, so you HAD TO buy the full games. Clever marketing!) My PC's so slow that I can only play the first 3 games on it -- and the only platform I have is Dreamcast because I bought it AFTER they stopped making new games for it, so I got it RIDICULOUSLY CHEAP -- so off-and-on I'll scour Half-price Books for old Tomb Raider games.

Actually, my friend Lisa got me hooked. I told her I had Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation on Dreamcast, and she told me she had the first Tomb Raider for PC and she let me have it. Playing Tomb Raider in my room -- so that I didn't dominate the TV and Brian could watch it -- was such a revelation for me that I had to track down all the PC Tomb Raider that my computer could handle!!!

So I've got the first 3 Tomb Raiders now, as well as Unfinished Business (TR 1.5) and The Lost Artifact (TR 3.5). And I don't know if there's a TR 2.5 out there, but if there is I'll need to get that, too! Otherwise, I've got all the Tomb Raider I can handle until I upgrade my computer -- which, considering the fact that what disposable income I have goes to dvds -- isn't going to be any time soon.

Still, I got stuck on Level 2 of Lost Artifact for a while, and just didn't go back to it for the longest time because I was working on Ezekiel Hollow and the -------- project.

Until yesterday!

I sat down, worked out the scenario, worked through another sticking place, and now I'm obsessed again!!!

Blah.

Anyway, I think I'm going to go spend an hour or so with Laura Croft, then go to bed.

For Film Flunkies Only...

Has anyone else noticed the genre confusion in the JAWS franchise?

The first movie is an Adventure flcik, but all the sequels are Horror movies.

This is a fascinating phenomenon to me.

I know, I know, someone is saying "Whatever! What's Two And A Half Foot Batman up to?" He's watching HALLOWEEN II right now. (I think he watched HALLOWEEN before I got home.) This is MY blog.

A film genre is defined by its conventions -- or, when done poorly, its cliches. And by definition, JAWS is an adventure movie. many a film historian and critic have related it to MOBY DICK, and in the case of JAWS that's a fairly valid comparison. (Quint is Ahab and Roy Schieder is Ishmail.)

But it's your classic Quest plot. The villager is out to destroy the dragon that's been setting fire to all the huts of the villagers.

It's got all the trappings and conventions of an Adventure film -- there's male bonding, there's the young man rising up to meet and exceed the abilities of the seasoned warrior, there's man against monster, man against nature, man against man and man against himself. It even has some gorgeous, rousing sea-faring orchestration as they shoot across the water in search of the vicious beast.

But the key to the Horror genre is devolution: Man being stripped of his human nature and relating to the monster, a step which MUST be taken in order to defeat the monster. (And the "happy ending" is achieved when we see Man return to his humanity in a way that the Monster never could -- though, inevitably, permanently altered by the experience.)

JAWS has none of this. It's not about Man devolving into a primitive beast. If Roy Scheider devoleved, he wouldn't have been able to defeat the monster! It was his intelligence that won the day -- his humanity, essentially.

But then JAWS 2 comes along, and the genre is different. JAWS 2 is about devolution, about primal fears and how we respond when confronted with these. We see people shut down, completely unable to save themselves when face-to-face with this primative beast, having to be rescued by the hero (or A hero) in order to survive.

I mean, it's GOOD! Don't get me wrong. I watched JAWS 2 a hundred times on HBO when I was growing up and delighted in the fact that it scared me out of the apartment complex swimming pool! (For a full 20 minutes, anyway. It's alwsys been hard to keep me OUT of the water.)

Then comes JAWS 3-D.

Now, it WAS and WASN'T technically a Horror movie. It WASN'T a Horror movie by definition of its conventions. That is to say that it isn't so much about devolution, but it IS about what it is to be human. By the end of the movie you discover that in some ways, the shark is acting in an understandable and human way. It's a movie about family and protecting ones family.

JAWS 3-D was also written by Richard Matheson, one of the definitive Horror authors of our time. He's written much of the work that has inspired every Horror author whose name you know. His episodes of THE TWILIGHT ZONE are remembered just as readily as Rod Serling's ("Nightmare at 20,000 Feet", "Little Girl Lost", "The Invaders", "Death Ship") and his novels have inspired Horror novelist and screenwriters since the 1950s ("I Am Legend" and "Hell House" are a couple).

And Matheson's work isn't technically Horror, though it employs many of the trappings of the genre. But his work is what helped SHAPE the genre, since many of the genre's practitioners were following his cue and inspired by his work while they further defined and shaped the genre.

So Matheson's JAWS movie doesn't necessarily fit easily into the genre, but then, none of his work does. Matheson has always simply been about writing a good story; if everyone else lables his work "Horror" that's fine by him.

BUT... my main point here is that the third JAWS movie IS NOT and Adventure flick. And if you had to fit it into a genre, Horror is really the most suited. (I GUARENTEE that the director thought he was shooting a horror movie.)

And then JAWS: THE REVENGE is more definitively Horror. The mother has to devolve into a monster herself in order to rid herself of the curse that has haunted her family for more than a decade.

But I believe JAWS is the only franchise -- and a rather successful one, at that -- in which the sequels are of a different genre than the movie that spawned them!

HOW WIERD IS THAT?!!

Sequels are either part of an on-going saga (STAR WARS, SCREAM, the James Bond films) or they're an attempt to recreate the first, successful movie (DIE HARD, LETHAL WEAPON, HALLOWEEN). And one of the first steps to recreating that film is to duplicate the genre. Can you imagine the next BATMAN movie being a Courtroom Drama? Or a Police Procedural? (Both are valid commercial choices, I'd like to poitn out, since both genres are ridiculously successful on TV right now.)

I mean, I can see how the JAWS producers became confused: JAWS was one of the scariest pics to hit the theaters since NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD probably.

But it's the SUCCESS of the JAWS franchise that boggles me. There wouldn't be THREE sequels if we weren't so anxious -- back in the '80s -- to see that damned shark again! We paid our money, so the studio kept cranking them out.

Blah.

I get that this entry is really self-serving and probably uninteresting to most. But I guess genre is weighing heavy on my mind because of the -------- project that WhitelightEnt is working on.

Okay. I think I'm gonna join Two And A Half Foot Batman for the last half of HALLOWEEN II. (I need to rewind it, though, 'cause the scene where the nurse gets naked and gets in the theraputic hottub has already passed...)

THE SECRET To LIFE

Passing the time.

I'm pretty sure that's it! The secret to Life is finding cool ways to pass the time!

Think about the people you know. Now seperate the happy ones and the unhappy ones. I believe that you'll find the happy ones are the ones who are good at finding interesting ways to pass the time. And the unhappy ones will be the ones who are waiting for stuff to happen or wishing some stuff wouldn't happen.

But the happy ones are people who are creative in the ways they pass the time.

And the ones who find stuff to giggle at.

I came to this revelation in the last hour of my Monday shift (I'm OFF tomorrow), as I attempted to mold my aura into the shape of a bunny rabit using only my forearms -- not my hands or fingers. I couldn't get the ears quite long enough. I figure my aura probably looks a bit more like a squirrel with a docked tail.

But that's cool, 'cause it's time to go home now!!!



Oh, one more thought:

What happens in the bathroom STAYS in the bathroom.

Unless it escapes.

Then it must be hunted and killed -- capture IS NOT an option.

He's Getting Worse

This is what I woke up to today.

It's kind of my fault. I slept until 5-ish, and 2.5 Foot Batman tends to get restless when he's left alone for too long.

I didn't have the energy to argue with him. I just grabbed the camera because I figured no one would believe THIS, and then Brian woke up right after I did.

And lately stuff's started going missing.

Lighters and socks and stuff.

Two And A Half Foot Batman gets all indignant if Brian or I casually inquire about whether or not he might have borrowed the items. He goes all "ME?!!" and then demands to know why we don't pester each other about missing stuff, "It's always ME you interrogate!"

Methinks he doth protest too much.

But Brian and I know every inch of this apartment, so I can't imagine where he might be stashing the stuff if it is him.

Plus, as you can see, we're not the tiddiest people. It IS possible the stuff's just misplaced.

But we didn't lose things quite so frequently before Two And A Half Foot Batman moved in. You know?

Mini-Vigilante Mini-Workout

I HAD TO show you this!!!

Brian was still up when I got home and said he took this pic when he woke up this afternoon!

Just when you wanna start hatin' on the guy, Two And A Half Foot Batman goes and does something so CUTE!!!

He HAS been getting on our nerves lately, though.

Whenever one of us turns on the TV, or I turn on my jambox, the sound is ALWAYS BLARING!!!

When Brian turns on his car, too!

I keep my keys in my the top drawer of my dresser, so Two And A Half Foot Batman can't get to them without waking me up.

A couple of nights ago he tried, though.

I wake up to this CRASH and he's there in my room, and my bottotm drawer -- where I keep my manga and my RESIDENT EVIL novels -- is on the floor, upside down and I'm all "WHAT?!" and he's all "My mission requires me to confiscate your vehicle" and I'm all "Get out of my room, Dude!" and he leaves without shutting my door, mumbling sonething that I don't think Superman would ever say!

Still, sometimes he vaccuums the living room, so he's not all bad.

Tisha's Blogging!!!

I was doing some work on my MySpace -- www.myspace.com/rayjaysspace -- and checked up on the 2 people who finally convinced me to sign up there, Tisha and Kelly.

AND THEN I SAW THAT TISH HAS STARTED HER OWN BLOG!!!

I was fascinated! She starts out by summing up her life to date. So I got to see her early days the way she remembers them! And get a tiny glimpse of how she feels about her past.

Very cool!

I mean, she remembers stuff a bit differently than I do. But that's kind of understandable since she was... what? A TODDLER!!!

But I can't describe how cool it is to see it in her words!

I dunno, maybe it's 'cause I'm a writer or something, but it's just really cool to me.

Um... re-wacthed PENN & TELLER GET KILLED last night, as well as a couple hours of SEALAB 2021. (It was Brian's first time to see P&TGK and , like, 2nd or 3rd to see the Sealabs.) Then re-watched NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (Brian's first time) and then we watched the director's cut of DAREDEVIL!!!

Dude, I LOVED DAREDEVIL in the theater, but this director's cut JUST RULZ!!! THIS is the version I will re-watch and re-watch from now on!!! It's really a much, MUCH better treatment of the character and a more fulfilling story! If you had problems with the theatrical cut of DAREDEVIL you may actually enjoy the director's version!

Okay, it's way-late now, so I'm going to bed.

Rowdy Li'l Bugger

Okay, I told you about Brian and my new roommate.

And I also told you that he has a tendancy to get into trouble, yeah? So we all discussed it and agreed that Two And A Half Foot Batman shouldn't go outside unless he's with Brian or me.

Well, I had gone to bed and just barely fallen asleep when I heard another cat fight. But I could hear that the TV was still on and so I assumed Two And A Half Foot Batman was still watching X2.

Anyway, I wake up around 9:30 am this morning to go to the bathroom and I hear this fumbling in the living room. Brian's door is closed, so he's surely still asleep. (Brian's door is only even closed when he's asleep.) So I poke my head around the corner to see what's going on...





















Little ankle-biter's TOTALLY been sneaking out!

So then he goes on about he's an adult (he didn't say "full-grown adult", which was wise of him) and how he has "a mission" that no one but him can "fulfill" and blah, blah, blah.

I wanted to get back to sleep so I just told him to do whatever he wanted. Just don't get me and Brian in trouble with our neighbors, the appartment management or the police.

I still think Brian's overracting, but I'm starting to see Brian's complaints about Two And A Half Foot Batman. I've had worse roommates, but things were less stressful when it was just Brian and me.

It's like we've got a teenager in the house!

Whatever.

Anyway, he's kind of fun to hang out with after work when I get home and Brian's already asleep.

One of the Reasons I Don't Have Cable...

...is that there are just other ways I prefer to spend my infinitesimal "disposable" income.

BUT I do miss Adult Swim, some of the toons I consider "Late Night Toons". You know, the stuff you watch at 3 in the morning and try not to laugh TOO loudly at.

When my Pops passed away in April, I stayed the night with my Mom (natch), and to help me doze I lat Cartoon Network play. And what happened to be on at the time was an episode of SEALAB 2021. IT WAS HYSTERICAL! I couldn't get to sleep because I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing!

And for the last week or so -- for some reason I have NO IDEA about -- I've been craving some Late Night Toons. PARTICULARLY SEALAB 2021, but also some classic REN & STIMPY.

And then, when I think of Late Night Toons I am reminded that I'm still missing the 3rd and last disc of INVADER ZIM...

So yesterday I, perhaps unwisely, purchased SEALAB 2021: SEASON ONE, THE REN & STIMPY SHOW, SEASON'S 1&2 UNCUT, a INVADER ZIM, VOLUME 3: HORRIBLE HOLIDAY CHEER!!!

I had actually FORGOTTEN how genius REN & STIMPY is!!! And SEALAB 2021 is actually funnier than I remembered!

And I feel confident that I probably made a good choice, because Brian fell aleep on the couch watching INVADER ZIM, and was watching it again when I got up and made breakfast.

You know, I think sometimes ya just gotta splurge on whatever it is that ignites your imagination. And makes you feel all comfy & cozy & safe.

...

Or perhaps the philosophizing is just me attempting to rationalize what everyone else recognizes to be irresponsible spending...

...not that I really care either way. I need my Late Night Toons!!!

I Wasn't Late Today!

I get to work 20 minutes early today... and am informed that I'm not blogging frequently enough. Dominic Welhouse, the guy I relieve on Mondays, is not only disgruntled about my infrequent blogging, but also because I quoted our coworker Chris. His arguement is that he says plenty that is quoteable and clever.

And I agree.

I therefor will share with you some Classic Dominic Welhouse Moments! And I will do so...

...NOW!

...um...

"Shame on you."

He said that to me. Recently.

But there's better! Wait, hold on...

"Please delete that picture. I don't even have my glasses on."

But that's not really CLASSIC Dom. Hold on...

"She's into me!"

That's pretty classic Dom. He's said that many times. (Usually about girls he knows I'm crushing on, if memory serves. Now THAT'S classic Dominic.)

But wait, there's better....

...um...

OH YEAH!!!

"Oh, Ray Jay, how do I be as cool as YOU are?!! You're, like, my HERO!"

He's said that.

A LOT.

You know... 'cause I'm cool.

No, REALLY I am!

Why are you laughing? STOP LAUGHING! NO REALLY, I AM COOL!!! You don't know me! You don't know anything about me! I AM cool! My mom TOLD ME I'm cool!

...

Well, ACTUALLY... my mom wishes I were less... ME.

Anyway, sorry. Lost my mind for a moment.

OH...

Now I'm available at www.myspace.com/rayjaysspace!

So if you just can't get enough Ray Jay...

Then you should probably go buy a dvd player, or some sort of gaming console... Maybe get a library card...

2.5 Foot Batman

For the past 3 weeks or so Brian and I have had a third roommate.

His name: Two And A Half Foot Batman.

I met him at Walmart and he told me he needed a place to stay, so I invited him to crash with me and Brian.

He's kind of cool, but like all roommates, he can be trying some times.

Case in point:

Brian woke up from a post-work nap and took these pics.

As a matter of fact, I don't think Brian likes him very much. He calls Two And A Half Foot Batman "a criminal bastard", contending that he doubts 2.5 Foot Batman is trying to prevent crime when he goes out at night, but is committing it.

But Brian can overreact sometimes.

He even said once that he some times wakes up with 2.5 Foot Batman holding his nose, trying to suffocate him. But I'm pretty sure that Brian and I have been watching too much TWILIGHT ZONE lately.

2.5 Foot Batman is a little creepy sometimes, though. He's pretty humorless.

And a bit demanding.

The first couple of nights he was with us, not 5 minutes after he left the appartment we'd hear cats shrieking like banshees. And before, we'd hear that once every 3 or 4 months. But I'm pretty sure 2.5 Foot atman is picking fights with the local wildlife.

I confronted him after the second time this happened but he wouldn't really give me a straight answer. "I do what needs to be done," and stuff like that.

Not exactly a denial.

So I suggested, in as cool and non-confrontational a manner as I could, that maybe it would be best if he stayed indoors unless Brian and I are with him.

He said that was cool, and seems to be really grateful that Brian and I are giving him a place to live. (He keeps talking about remembering the location of his batcave, but the way he talks, I' kind of doubting he has a batcave. You know how it sounds when your you're in junior high and your geeky friend talks about his "girlfriend in Canada"? Or when your deadbeat friend makes a really big deal about how he was TOTALLY going to pay you back the money you loaned him this past paycheck, he had the money in his pocket and everything, but then something came up? That's kind of what Two And A Half Foot Batman sounds like when he talks about finding hi batcave.)

Long Friday

Sorry I've been derilect in my blogging!!!

Been way-busy.

Between the -------- project and work, I haven't really been able to have particularly interesting misadventures. (I should probably get out more...)

Super Hot Traci's at her new job, Tisha's getting ready togo back to school, and Tommy, Brian and I are doing the say old same ol'.

My friend in LA, Kelly, is doing groovy things! (But he can get his own blog to tell you about them.)

My long-time buddy Nicole is blogging now!!! THAT rocks!!! In fact, please check out her blog at http://canyacope.blogspot.com/! (She's a hottie, huh?! DUDE!!! I'VE seen her in a BIKINI!!! More than once!!!)

And,,, uh...

I got my mp3 disc of Rod Serling's ZERO HOUR in the mail tonight!!! 61 episodes!!!

For those who don't know, Rod Serling is the UBERWRITER who gave us the genius that is THE TWILIGHT ZONE. He was this carzy-gifted television writer back in the '50s who fought endless battles with censorship by advertiser sponsoring the TV shows his scripts aired on (many TV shows back then were anthology shows, where every week there was a completely different 90-minute movie-of-the-week, essentially, as opposed to the episodic format TV has favored for the last 4 decades) and so he realized that if you're telling a sci-fi or horror story, you could write about robots or monsters or aliens and the sponsors didn't get that you were commenting on political hot-button social issues of the current times, and thus would not have you water-down your story to avoid potential controversy.

A mere 3 years after THE TWILIGHT ZONE's original run, Gene Roddenbery would follow Serling's lead and create STAR TREK, which would cover some of the same social territory, but with running characters and situations, yet still dealwith hot-button political issues of the day.

Anyway, in 1974 Rod Serling produced and hosted a radio series that lasted 2 seasons. It aired 5 times a week for half an hour. For the first season (the episodes I just got in the mail!!!) it adapted thriller novels into 5 episodes, so that you listened to the entire storyline over the course of a week.

I'm stoked because (a) I'm a Rod Serling junky, and the more obscure the artifact the more my Fan-boy heart loves it, and (b) I think that there's a lot I can learn from these stories, as they were produced by ROD-THE-MAN-SERLING HIMSELF!!! He only wrote a few of the actual scripts (I don't yet know if it was 2 or 3 or how many), but if he was indeed a producer on the show, it's QUALITY! Plus, every one who knows who Rod Serling is knows of THE TWILIGHT ZONE. But I'm guessing that even people who know that NIGHT GALLERY was his creation (though it got ripped away from him by the network) don't know he had A RADIO SHOW!

He was truly a man after my own heart! He had even considered doing THE TWILIGHT ZONE for radio before he sold it to TV!!!

And now, many of the classic episode are being very faithfully and ably adapted to radio by the people at Falcon Picture. See www.twilightzoneradio.com for more info. I've purchased 32 of the episodes on cd so far!

But though Stacy keach is and able host -- as was Forrest Whitaker in the 2002-2003 UPN version of the show and Burgess Meridith in TWILIGHT ZONE:THE MOVIE -- it's not quite the same as hearing Mr. Serling himself! And so one thing that ZERO HOUR has over THE TWILIGHT ZONE RADIO DRAMAS is Rod Serling's narrations. (Though, granted, the TZRDs are his ACTUAL WRITING...)

I'm rambling. Sorry. It's just that I became aware tonight that I've been blogging so very little lately, after discovering that I actually have a few more readers than I realized. So if I can't offer you the amusing physical adventures of my outter life, at least I can relate some of the adventures of my inner life.

You know?

Anyway, I have work tomorrow (3p -- an hour earlier than I'm usually supposed to be there) so I'm signing off.

I'm getting tired of typing "Sorry; been busy; not much has happened" though, so I'll try to go do something interesting soon.

May you experience Love and Light in YOUR misadventures!!!

Lazy Monday

I've been WORTHLESS today!!!

But I spent 6 or 7 hours last night writing up a detailed proposal and rewriting my notes on the --------- project, so there's my excuse. I worked pretty hard yesterday, so when I finished my work at the station today I just VEGGED.

(But responsibly. I made sure to do everything at work I'm supposed to do. Really!)

I know, boring-ass blog, right?

Sorry.

But not TOO sorry, 'cause I'm in VEG MODE, BAY-BAY!!!

Ooh, ooh! Tomorrow Brian and I are supposed to get our plane tickets to the Creative Screenwriter Expo 4 in LA!!! That's exciting, yeah?!

Okay. Moment's passed.

Back to veg mode.

I wonder if there's anyone around here that will feed me peeled grapes until it's time for me to go home...

Three O'Clock And All's Well...

Not much to report today.

It's been a pleasantly un-hurried day for me.

Well, I had to get up early to make a 2: pm meeting before work.

And I got to talk to Tisha for a while!

Otherwise, though, no stress, no mess.

So I'll leave you with the words of a friend at work, Chris Conatser:


"Whenever I see those guys with naked ladies tattooed on their back I figure they must be PRETTY CONFIDENT that they won't wind up in prison."

I DID IT!!!

I just finished reading the last chapter of --------!!!

Dude, we have our work CUT OUT for us!!! I didn't realize how much so until the last 3 chapters, but DAMN!

Still, it'll be groovy!

You know what else will be groovy?

I CAN GET BACK TO HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE NOW!!! I know 2 or 3 people now who have already finished it!

Also, I look forward to finishing the first episode of Ezekiel Hollow! I can't wait to put my theory -- the 6 beats to a classic horror moment -- into practice! Plus, I get the feeling that Episode 1 won't REALLY be complete until after another rewrite. So I'm kind of excited to finish it so I can rewrite it. Ya know?

Anyway, PEACE!!!

Life is ridiculously good to me!!!

Ray Jay is a good Li'l Writer!!! Ray Jay do GOOD!!!

I just finished ALL BUT THE LAST chapters of --------!!!

You don't understand; rereading this has been both a curse and a blessing for me! The curse is that this material isn't the usual way in which I like to chill. This is some challenging stuff sometimes! It's not the way I would CHOOSE to spend a Tuesday afternoon-into-night, or a Saturday or a Sunday.

But the blessing is that as I read it, I see STRAIGHT THROUGH the author's "matrix" (a slang Tommy and Kelly and Brian have come up with refering to the moment you see not only the beauty and/or funtion of a thing, but also into it's inner workings, allowing you a more profound understanding of HOW it actually works) and I KNOW I can translate his/her work both faithfully and effectively!!!

Once the reading is done -- perhaps tomorrow -- the REAL WORK begins. But I'm SO INSPIRED by the knowledge that I CAN DO THIS!!! It won't be Tommy and Brian doing all the creative stuff and me going "yeah, okay, but consider this..." I will be CONTRIBUTING!!!

DUDE!!!

I'm VERY excited right now!

I'm guessing you can probably tell.

Anyway, it's an odd sensation to look into the future, see a problem that has crippled those who have attempted to solve that problem before you, and know that you have not only the tools, but the approach to be THE ONE that SOLVES it!!!

LIFE IS GOOD!!!

WOO-HOO!!!

I'm jumping on a couch as I type this!!! (That was a cheap Tom Cruise joke, if you didn't catch it.)

HOPE YOU'RE DAY -- TO ANYBODY READING THIS -- IS RIDICULOUSLY GROOVY AND FULFILLING!!!

Yes, It's Monday... Again

Just killing time, riding the clock and avoiding reading chapter 9 of --------. "Procrastinating" they call it.

Yep. I'm procrastinating.

I've got all my work done -- I'm writing this from the station -- and I won't allow myself to read anything but -------- until I'm done (I'm still on Chapter 10 of the new Harry Potter book), and so I'm finding creative ways to avoid doing the work I need to do.

Well, I WAS finding creative ways to avoid doing the work I need to do. Now I'm sort of grasping for ANY way to avoid doing the work I need to do.

A couple of friends of mine turned me on to Neurotically Yours at www.illwillpress.com, and I went through every toon in the archive. Funny stuff. I'm gonna have to buy the dvds now! (I always hate it when I discover YET ANOTHER dvd that I feel I have to own.)

Then I impulsively bought (if I understand the product description correctly) 133 episodes of a radio series Rod Serling did in 1974 called THE ZERO HOUR. Apparently it was a series of novels adapted into 5 half-hour episode that aired Monday through Friday for a couple of years. If I understand it correctly, you had to listen all week to get the whole storyline, then the next week a new storyline (featuring different star) ran.

I believe that's how the first season went, and then the second season was simply 5 seperate stories starring the same featured player. And I don't know if it lasted past 2 seasons. But running Mon-Fri as it did, 2 years would have generated MANY episodes. (Like when they released G. I. JOE on dvd, they had to release each season in 2 volumes, because it was a Mon-Fri toon, with AT LEAST TWICE AS MANY episodes as any other TV series.)

So I think I have 133 episodes of this Serling show (AUDIO show!!!) I only discovered existed coming to me. Oh, and I only paid $10 for it!!!

Dude! SERLING RULES!!!

I knwo, I know, you're saying "What about NIGHT GALLERY! The dvds just came out and THAT WAS CRAP!" I haven't seen them, so I can't speak from personal experience, but I can tell you that Serling wrote and produced the pilot episode -- the episode that sold the series AND contained the legendary segment in which a very, very young Steven Spielberg directed a very old Joan Crawford -- and then the network COMPLETELY usurped control from Serling after that! So in other words, ONE EPISODE of NIGHT GALLERY represents Rod Serling's genius, and the rest is -- apparently -- crap.

And thus, I stand by my statement that ROD SERLING RULES!!!

Let's see... It's 1:13 am now. Forty-seven minutes till I can skate.

I probably should read...

NO! there's just NO WAY I can get more that a quarter of a chapter -------- finished before time to go home. So there's just no reason for even trying. (That and I don't wanna.)

Okay, now it's... 1:16 am. Damn! forty-four minutes still.

Time for a smoke break!