Creeping Myself Out Here

I'm wondering if writing Horror is really how I want to spend the rest of my life, lol....

Okay, my baby's been away from the Net for a couple of days because of stuff, and I was hoping to use this extra time getting ahead on my screenplay. But we just stared airing a new show in the middle of the night -- my shift, natch -- and it's 2 hours long, and because it's being produced in a way that's really kind of innovative and new, I have to keep a close eye on it.

And it starts right about the time I get stuff wrapped up from the evening, and ends before I have to to all my last-hour-of-my-shift stuff.

So no spare time for writing. :(

But my story's really been running in my head (I'm SO CLOSE and I think the story is SO ready to finish being told) and so I took a half-hour I had free and just sort of sketched out my next scene...

And it's the next death scene...

And I got this horrible sensation, I felt like the murderer in my movie kinda, 'cause I'm about to kill of this character that's gonna make my remaining characters even sadder than they are now!

I mean, technically, that's GOOD. It's a HORROR movie, it's supposed to be horrifying. But somehow this just feels malicious, lol! I feel wrong and dirty and bad.

And that's a first for me. Death in real life and death in realistic dramas always gets to me, but there's this protective barrier around horror-movie death, for me at least. It's fake, it's like when a Stormtrooper gets shot down or when a cowboy wearing a black hat gets killed... It's a movie.

But I'm getting to like my characters, and suddenly the thought of killing another one -- especially NOW, just 3 or so pages after I put the (theoretical) reader through a fairly brutal murder and a grieving scene, feel just ABUSIVE, lol. Horror's supposed to be cathartic, not traumatic, lol!!!

Well... That's not true, heheh. Some really, really good horror movies are prtty traumatic.

And I don't even think this is one of them. I feel like when my movie is shot and viewed, it will probably feel a great deal tamer than it does now, as I'm writing it.

Blah. Whatever.

But to top that all off...

YAY!!!

I was about to say that I haven't heard from my baby in 25 hours or so, then go on a bit about what a wuss I am and how most probably I'm just letting my imagination run wild, and blah...

BUT SHE JUST TEXTED ME SAYING SHE'LL BE HOME IN 15 MINUTES!!!

Bless her heart!!!

Let me confess, I actually called her (which I try not to do excessively because we usually talk at least once a day, if not twice, and we text each other plenty on top of that) and left a message on her voicemail asking her to let me know that she's okay as soon as she could.

I know, right?! There's something wrong with me! I'm a wimp!

I have issues, lol.

But I'd rather wrestle with the fear of losing someone I love (which is what this obviously is, because that's what creeped me out about the scene I'm about to write) than not have someone to love!!! I have defeated my insecurities in the past, but 10 years is a LOOOOOONG time to go without a girlfriend, lol!

So if you've got a loved one give them a quick kiss, or a call or a text, if they're not near. For me. :D Thanks!