The Theme From GOLDFINGER

Have you ever really considered the lyrics to it?

Shirley Bassey goes on for quite some time about how evil Mr. Goldfinger is, and you think "Wow, 'web of sin', that's pretty bad!"

But then the ending -- the very, very end -- always places a shadow of doubt in my mind.

She's all "He loves only gold/Only gold" and I'm all "Yeah, he sounds like a materialistic bastard all right." But then the last line, her big finale, is the lyric "He loves goooooooooooolllllllllddddd," belted out and held for like 3 minutes straight.

If you haven't heard the song you MUST. It's an impressive vocal feat!

But when she finishes off this character assasination with "He loves gold" I suddenly wonder if maybe THAT is his only real crime, and perhaps Bassey has just revealed her TRUE discontent with him... She hates gold!

Like maybe they dated for a while, and at first they're all lovey-dovey and they don't notice each other's differences, so she overlooks his fascination with gold even though she's repulsed to her very core with the notion of this not-yellow, not-orange metal that's all heavy and hard to carry in great quantities and is really quite maliable for a metal! Gold, to her, is an abhoration of nature -- too wimpy to be a TRUE metal, and yet all shiny and smug and Holier Than Thou.

Maybe she's even just as materialistic as he is, only she's obsessed with diamonds! Now THERE'S a ROCK! Harder than all the other rocks, it has REAL reason to be all shiny and proud!

But then they get to that point in the relationship where she tries to change him, and is constantly pointing out how superior diamonds are to gold, and he says "Look, Shirley Bassey, I love you, but I'm not giving up gold. I really believe we can find a way around our differences, but you have to understand that my obsession with gold isn't just a phase I'm going through. It's part of who I AM. It's in my name, for heaven's sake."

And then she just SNAPS. She packs up her stuff and moves out, and on her way out the door she's all "I'm gonna sing a song about you and tell people what a real wanker you are! And I hope James Bond KILLS you!"

That last line just suddenly sounds like the lady is protesting too much, and it makes me replay the whole song in my head, looking for other clues that maybe this is just a personal grudge, rather than the genuine warning it first seemed to be.

Don't get me wrong, I've seen the movie and he IS a bastard! He tries to bisect Bond's happy place! WITH A LASER!

Not cool!

I'm just saying...

Yes, these are the thing I think about at 1:41 in the morning, when I'm puttering around on the computer and Gnomey's still asleep.