Yes... I Know... I'm A Dork...

Okay, I officially an uber-geek:

I have a girlfriend in SecondLife!

I've been abstaining from admitting this for a very long time now, because I TOTALLY get how it sounds. But I can't deny it any longer, I'm head-over-heels for a chick I'll never meet in RL, who has a realy life outside the game!

Okay, but before you pass judgement let just give you some perspective...

For the past 9+ years I really haven't been able to "get out there" and try to find Miss Right beause of my going-on-14-year pursuit of a career in filmmaking. And I'm actually okay with this fact. It's a choice, and one I make consciously and consentually: Would I rather spend my time and energy trying to find the woman who will date a broke divorceee who can't afford to take her out and will respect my career as a writer and filmmaker BEFORE I HAVE the career, or would I rather pursue a career as a writer/filmmaker and pray that there will be a woman out there for me when I finally have the money to start having a social life?

The fact is that after 14 years, I don't know how to NOT pursue my dream. I have lost faith in the possibility of it happening, but even then I couldn't stop pursuing it. I am I, Don Quixote...

And this reality is what lead me to the frustrated blog entry around January or February when I wonder aloud why I can't just enjoy a virtual relationship in which I get to enjoy the flirting and the fawning and feel desired and have an object of my desire, even if I don't get the more substantial -- carnal -- bennifits of a relationship. I believe I posited that if I have to wait for another decade, at least I should be allowed to enjoy partial fulfillment.

Well...

Turns out that if you wait long enough in SL... You just MIGHT bump into your virtual soul mate!!!

This woman is just SO COOL!!! I mean, I drive to work now with this big, giddy grin! It's like an actual relationship in many ways!!!

Okay, fine, poke fun. I'm an easy target right now, I know.

But...

Ya gotta admit... This poses some interesting questions about the nature of Reality. I mean, I have not met this woman face-to-face, and yet when she tells me I'm sexy I believe her! (As opposed to when my girl-friends do it: They're basically saying "No, you'll never see me naked, but SURE you're sexy.") I actually believe she means it when she says it.

Now, one could argue that it's easy for a woman who will never see me in person to say that she thinks my pic is hot. HOWEVER... If you dared me to PROVE that she's telling me the truth I would dare you to DISprove it. Her actions (to my knowlege and in my experience so far) support her claim that I am hot.

Granted, all this "evidence" exists merely in the SecondLife... BUT THAT'S KIND OF THE POINT! As far as the reality of SL, she is into me.

But let's say it's just a game: Does it matter? Half a year ago I was talking about how I'd just like to be able to pay a monthly fee and have email conversations, as though I were in a relationship, just so I can get the emotional "sustinance" that the human psyche needs.

Well...

The way this woman treats me goes WAY above and beyond anything I might have proposed paying a subscription fee for! AND... No fee! She does for my psyche (and ego and insecurities), for free, MORE than I would offer money for!

And according to her, I do the same for her!

"Okay," you say, "But it's not REALLY real. It's just an online game."

Sure, okay. But what is REALITY? If I experience joy on a daily basis from this unorthodox relationship, are those emotions not real emotions? A very wise woman schooled me lame dismissal we guys sometimes throw out there of a woman's emotions when we say "I'll bet it's just That Time of the Month." She said, okay, maybe it is That Time of the Month... Does that make the pain or frustration she's feeling LESS VALID? And if so, how is that fair? She's still FEELING those emotions!

So if I'm feeling happy about something that is somehow illusory, are the emotions an illusion? Am I actually not feeling them? And if not, wtf AM I feeling when i think I'm feeling those positive emotions?

Okay, but here's the flip side: I know a lot of Worriers. I know A LOT of people who spend a lot of their time thinking about the negative things that might happen. They experience discomfort and negative emotions because of bad things that have not happened yet (if ever). Some of them cry because of how bad something might become.

This behaviour is not consicered wierd. You yourself are probably thinking "Well, that's just normal. That's just being smart and being prepared for the future and being intelligent." And yet, what about the negative emotions. Extended negative emotion leads to PHYSICAL health problems.

And positive emotions behave conversely -- producing physical bennifits to one's health.

I mean, it's a great deal more complex that that. If you just run through it in your head you'll see that you tend to be nicer to people when you're in a good mood, you tend to be more generous with time/resources when you're in a good mood, tend to sponteneously think of OTHERS when your in a good mood, and thinking about things that make you happy tends to put you in a good mood. Conversely, when was the last time you were in a bad mood and sponteneouly thought "My wife might like some flowers for no reason"? Okay, when is the last time you were in a bad mood and your wife asked you to do something you had already said you would do a week ago, and yet you felt attacked by her when she asked "Are you going to get around to that this week?" And thinking about things that make you unhappy tends to put you in a bad mood.

Prove me wrong.

I'm not really trying to teach a Psyche course here, I'm just trying to make this point:

If it's perfectly aceptable for someone to fret over bad things that might or might not happen and put themselves into a bad mood over them, what is so wierd about me accepting a virtual relationship for what it is and experiencing the psychological, emotional and spiritual bennifits of that relationship?

But if the emotions experienced are real, how "fake" could a virtual relationship be?

What IS Reality? What would define a REAL relationship for YOU? What criterion would have to be satisfied before you could enjoy the relationship as real?

What IS real?