Raping the Mind's Eye...

I think it's time we, Humanity (and, of course, Huwomanity, too), begin taking responsibility for the mental images we create with our language.

Many are the Family Dinner nights when Brian & Mom and I would be dining and then Mom and Brian start swapping verbal medical maladies and I have to protest, pointing out that I'm inserting food into my mouth as they speak, and I prefer the procedure remain an intake process -- as opposed to the ingestion reversing direction midway through the meal. When I complain in this way, they always treat me like I'm just trying to censor their invigorating dialogue or whatever, and I always (always) have to remind them that words create images in my mind's eye.

I'm assuming Mom's simply not that imaginative, and I think that perhaps Brian has some shark DNA or something -- once he begins the process of eating, keep your appendages well clear of the Mastication Zone.

But I think the basic problem is as simple as this: Folks don't realize that there are some things that, once the mind's eye sees, can't be unseen! There are combinations of words that simply should never be inflicted upon human consciousness.

For example:

Monkey Pustule
Nasal Spewtem
Bear-Fondling
(Anything) Gastrointestinal
Butt-Mugging
Pubic Ejecta
Pit Fungus
Pants Love
Anal Debris
Mouse Teat

You see what I mean? The mental images created by the combining of these words is such an aesthetic violation that the phrases themselves could be effectively substituted for profanity!

"You wanna butt-mug my anal debris project, you pubic ejecta? Fine! But the next time you try I'm gonna bear-fondle your nasal-spewtem face into next-pants-loving-week, you mouse teat monkey pustule!"

You see what I mean? Were I the recipient of such verbal violence I think I would be curled up in a fetal ball under a desk or something, smacking my head against a the nearest hard surface, trying to knock the visuals loose and regain normal cognitive function.

So please, join me in my crusade to protect us all from the mental anguish of conversational aberrations! Send your donations to:

Mental-Rape
Recovery Foundation
318008 Pew King Wy
Frognot, TX, 75424