I Like My Women Like I Like My Coffee...

I woke up (too early, actually) today remembering that Monday morning at work (my "Friday afternoon" as compared to everyone who works/sleeps Normal People hours) I had grown quite punchy just at the end of my shift and I became obsessed with this water-cooler trope.

Normally, the idea is to use this little joke as a way to flirt, using aspects of coffee as a double entendre.

I like my coffee like I like my women:...

...Sweet.

or

...Strong.

or

...Hot and Black.

But then you have stand-up comedians who take it into the surreal, like Eddie Izzard.

...In a cup.

So as I'm working, my mind is playing this little game with me wherein I try to come up with aspects of one that create a completely obtuse mental image of the other. It got so bad that co-workers were asking me what I was laughing about. (They didn't find the punchlines quite as amusing as I did, though, lol.)

I WROTE THEM DOWN, EVEN! But I can't find the list now. :( But I came up with some strange ones, though! :D

...Loaded with sugar!

...English!

...Without hair.

...Full-flavored with a hearty bouquet!

...Bent over and sweaty.

I wish I could fins the list. I had a bunch of them and some of them were really out-there.

...With brown eyes... bobbing up and down... Ew!

Although, you may need to be as punch-drunk as I was to really enjoy them, lol.

But it was a really fun way to end my work week.

I wonder if it's a coincidence that I'm remembering this today, the last day of my weekend.

Anyway, for your own amusement there are a ton of standard setup lines that you can do that with while you work:

My mother in law is so annoying...
My sibling is so dumb...
Politicians are so out-of-touch with Reality...

Okay, there are better ones than this, and perhaps you can think of them, lol. I have to admit, I started writing the above sentence (about "there are a ton of standard setup lines") and then I totally blanked on all of them. :(

And the suggestions I provided aren't really ones I would go with.

Oh wait! Okay, a cool/easy joke-generating tool is lists of things. As in:

All I need in life is a roof, a bed and a Quail Egg omelet served with Monkey Picked Tea at precisely 7:17am every morning.

...or...

My mom makes this to-die-for soup that's just peas, carrots and Chihuahua spleen.

You're just coming up with 2 normal items, then a 3rd ridiculous item.

The longer you play the game, the more and more outrageous your imagination gets! After maybe 20 minutes you'll probably be fighting back giggles, looking around to make sure your co-workers don't hear you. :)

PLUS... You might come up with a couple that are funny enough to email your friends! :D

A word of caution though: If you do share with others, just share the 2 or 3 BEST ones. I studied comedy writing back in my early 20s and learned the hard way that you can fall in love with all your own material, which is bad.

A friend invited me to help him host a late-night show at the local radio station, and I had generated all these jokes, like 25 punchlines for each setup. And it seemed a waste to narrow the punchlines down to a mere 5 or 3 or (*shudder*) ONE, so I just read them all.

Very bad mistake.

You use to see the same thing when you'd get forwarded those joke emails like "Things I Learned From Star Wars" and the like. They just go on forever, tend to repeat themselves, and even though you're laughing when you start reading the list, you usually stop laughing long before you abandon it.

Blah.

Rambling now, so I'm going away.

I challenge you to make yourself laugh today! :D