Oral Hygine on the Highway

I HAD TO log on and share this one with ya!

So it's just after 2:00 am and I'm headed home, about a block away from the station, waiting to turn left. I've got my windows rolled down -- because the car's AC is too cold after 10 hours in meat-locker temperatures, but it's just flat-out TOO HOT to not have SOME air blowing on me. And this car, a cool-looking convertable, pulls up next to me. After a second I hear a guy yell something, but the Left-Turn arrow lights up so I make my turn.

The car turns with me and tries to catch up. But it's a twisty stretch of road, so he honks.

I'm curious. Do I have a flat? Is my trunk on fire? Is it Ed McMahon with a giant Publishers Clearing House check for me?

I slow down a bit. The guy pulls up beside me and asks "Where you going?" I reply "Home." I'm still downtown; if this guy's trouble I've got MILES to loose him before I'm even NEAR my own 'hood.

Then, not breaking eye contact with me, he puts his fist up to his mouth as though about to cough, then he starts moving it back and forth, closer to and farther from his lips, as if to say "Wanna brush my teeth for me?"

I can't hold back a laugh.

My turn onto MoPac is coming up, so I shake my head and wave and say "No. Thanks." As I turn onto the on-ramp I hear him call out "Why not?" And then he slips into my lane and follows me onto MoPac.

Once we've both safely merged onto the freeway -- you'd be surprised how much traffic there is after 2a on an Austin weeknight -- he hops lanes and pulls up next to me again. He repeats the hand gesture once more, making sure I haven't reconsidered his offer. Again I laugh and shake my head, and I accelerate and put some distance between me and my Friendly Oral Higenist Dude.

Now, on the one hand I'm flattered. It's been QUITE A WHILE since anyone has shown any sign of physical attraction to me. PLUS, gay men are stereotypically picky. So I choose to take this to mean that I'm not dog-ugly. It's possible for another human being to drive up beside me and, in an instant, think "That's not a dog-ugly person."

And on the other hand, I realize just how pathetic I really am... If that had been an attractive woman making the offer, I might have followed her to WHERE EVER SHE WANTED TO GO to collect on her invitation.

Still, pathetic or not, the humor of this bizarre situation is PRICELESS!!!

This HAS TO show up in a screenplay!

KEEP AUSTIN WIERD!!!