This is just me venting, so please feel free to skip this entry, lol. ;P
Okay, so we are this daytime TV show at the station with this judge. I had never seen the show before last night, but we aired some live games and so some programming was pushed back to the middle of the night, and I ended up watching this show for the first time.
And this judge has these huge, scary, ass-fat lips!
She's got this unnaturally thin face, she's got something up with her nose, she's got clearly fake eyelashes, and she's got these lips that jut outward in this entirely unnatural way.
She's a judge! She's a purveyor and administrator of law and she's got this hideous flesh-colored duckbill! How am I supposed to take the Duck-Woman seriously?!!
I mean, I'm not fond of any sort of elective cosmetic surgery. I like natural. I like... you know... HUMAN parts.
But the duck-lips?!!
How can you kiss those?
How can you kiss if you have those?
What woman saw another woman with these unnatural, non-human protrusions on her face and thought, "Aw, man! I wish my lips looked like someone swatted me in the mouth with a baseball bat!"?
It makes no sense to me at all.
I mean, it certainly doesn't turn me on! I mean, aren't we supposedly trying to attract the opposite sex? Isn't that the biological imperative behind tarting ourselves up?
But then... Not everyone thinks like I do, obviously. Case in point: Breast "enhancements".
I have never been a fan of the beachball-boobs.
Now, I know there are millions of guys whose reply would be, "WHAT? You faggot!" And to them I would say... Well... Absolutely nothing, really. With that type you have to talk slow and explain every third word out of your mouth, and it just takes forever and is really tiring. ("'Augmentation' means 'to augment'. You know, to add to? To adjust in some manner that... oh, never mind.") So I avoid being around such people at all costs.
But I should think that even boneheads like that would be able to appreciate real breasts -- of any shape or size -- over the fake ones. I'm about to reveal myself for the pig I am, but real female parts move in a certain way! A certain very pretty way! The man-made variety don't have that natural jiggle, that natural bounce!
I mean, how can a person give that up just for the sake of bigger?
And the natural motion creates an aesthetic that cosmetic science simply can not recreate! Real parts strike a pose and create a striking image no matter how a woman moves or positions herself! Fake parts look like a 12-year-old's doodle: Round... always... just boring old round. No character, no personality!
And yet the fake just keeps coming! I mean, there's this amazingly gorgeous female TV actress who is in her 40s and she still looks super-sexy... except for her bizarre duck-lips! (I won't name the actress; this isn't that type of blog.)
OMG! And there's this one commercial for a phone-sex line, and the spokes model isn't even human anymore! She -- it -- is all writhing around, talking with this wannabe "cute/sexy" voice that is wrapped around her obvious New-Yowkeh accent, and I just about jump out of my skin every time it pops up on my TV monitors! It's grotesque! It's obviously had so much surgery done it might have been a male at some point in its life, and you would not be able to tell the difference!
And I mean no offense to trans-gender folks out there. Surgery to turn yourself into your true gender, as you perceive it, make a hell of a lot more sense to me than an insecure woman turning her lips into an extra pair of butt cheeks. I have a great deal more respect for a woman trapped in a man's body who wants to let that woman out than I do for a woman who looks in the mirror and says "My lips aren't as full as Angelina Jolie's (or who-ever's) are"!
But, I mean, I get the hipocracy in my little tirade here, too. I mean, my argument is based on the fact that we're all gorgeous in some way -- seriuosly; there is someone who looks at you and gets all weak in the thighs -- and yet hear I am doggin' on people because they've had cosmetic surgery. My fundamentalist argument is that they were beautiful when they were natural, sportin' the parts God gave them at birth, and then they fucked it up by trying to improve themselves.
But the argument breaks down immediately because I'm judging them by their looks the same way they judged themselves by their looks, and now even if they've realized what a mistake it was to alter their body, they're stuck with what they've done. I mean, for all I know, every woman who had baskeballs implanted under her skin realized it was a mistake, then realized her True beauty comes from within, and now accepts her Barbie-breasts as poor jusdgement at a weak and vulnerable time in her past, simply loves herself for who she is -- who she is -- regardless of the fact her funbags don't bounce in that sexy way anymore.
And if that were the case -- like, if I went off on this tear and a woman with a fake something-or-other explained how getting cosmetic surgery forced her to realize that her beauty comes from within, and now she loves herself like she never has before, exactly as she is here and now, and therefore the cosmetic surgery resulted in her being happier than she ever has been in her life -- I would feel like a complete wanker.
Actually...
I guess that does make me a wanker, lol.
But STILL... Duck-lips?!!
I mean, who would have to get a duckbill implanted into their mouth before they realized it might not have been a great idea after all?
And I guess part of what makes me crazy when it comes to this is the fact that I'm seeing TV ADS for LOCAL COSMETIC SURGEONS!!! It's not just something that goes on in Hollywood, in secret, anymore! Now you get these mangled old guys on TV telling you how ugly you are, and how giving them thousands of dollars can make you beautiful! "I'm 67 years old, but I used to look 69, but now I look like I was made by Mattel! And you don't have to settle for looking like a human being, you, too, can look like a PIXAR character in just one day! We use twilight anesthesia and we even have a layaway plan!"
This is wrong, isn't it?! I mean, we won't eat meat harvested from cloned animals -- sparing the natural animals the pain of a life lived in nightmare conditions and leading up to brutal slaughter -- and yet we'll let some insecure, money-grubbing old dude tell us we're not good enough as we are and that we should give him lots of money to make us look the way he thinks we should look?!!
Blah.
Sorry. I know I'm either preaching to the choir or flappin' my gums in the wind.
But this is something I don't hear discussed. And I think it should be. I mean, how many people are aware that there is a percentage (and this is a personal rant, so I haven't bothered to dig up the actual numbers -- which, in all fairness, could me so small as to render my point moot) of cosmetic surgery clients that discover their first operation didn't make them love themselves the way they thought it would, so they go back again and again, like addicts, constantly chasing a "perfection" that they -- because the true problem lies not in what they see in the mirror but the perception that perceives what is seen -- will never, ever attain? And if people knew about this, would as many of them get that first operation? Or might they, provided this knowledge, seek alternate means to feel better about themselves?
Blah.
I'm doing it again. Sorry, lol.
And I have no right to judge anyway. I mean besides the fact that none of us can walk even a millimeter in another's shoes, so to speak, it's a little too easy for me to feel confident in myself.
Have you seen my girlfriend?!! ;D She the hot chick at the top of my blog header! I mean, when a woman like that calls you "gorgeous" or "sexy" how can you NOT feel great about yourself!
So maybe that's the real problem... Maybe we just need to hear gorgeous people tell us how beautiful we are more often than we do.
If that is the solution, I know this phone sex line we can all call! It's got this writhing duck-creature with huge gazoongas and a New-Yowk accent...
;P
Now, I know there are millions of guys whose reply would be, "WHAT? You faggot!" And to them I would say... Well... Absolutely nothing, really. With that type you have to talk slow and explain every third word out of your mouth, and it just takes forever and is really tiring. ("'Augmentation' means 'to augment'. You know, to add to? To adjust in some manner that... oh, never mind.") So I avoid being around such people at all costs.
But I should think that even boneheads like that would be able to appreciate real breasts -- of any shape or size -- over the fake ones. I'm about to reveal myself for the pig I am, but real female parts move in a certain way! A certain very pretty way! The man-made variety don't have that natural jiggle, that natural bounce!
I mean, how can a person give that up just for the sake of bigger?
And the natural motion creates an aesthetic that cosmetic science simply can not recreate! Real parts strike a pose and create a striking image no matter how a woman moves or positions herself! Fake parts look like a 12-year-old's doodle: Round... always... just boring old round. No character, no personality!
And yet the fake just keeps coming! I mean, there's this amazingly gorgeous female TV actress who is in her 40s and she still looks super-sexy... except for her bizarre duck-lips! (I won't name the actress; this isn't that type of blog.)
OMG! And there's this one commercial for a phone-sex line, and the spokes model isn't even human anymore! She -- it -- is all writhing around, talking with this wannabe "cute/sexy" voice that is wrapped around her obvious New-Yowkeh accent, and I just about jump out of my skin every time it pops up on my TV monitors! It's grotesque! It's obviously had so much surgery done it might have been a male at some point in its life, and you would not be able to tell the difference!
And I mean no offense to trans-gender folks out there. Surgery to turn yourself into your true gender, as you perceive it, make a hell of a lot more sense to me than an insecure woman turning her lips into an extra pair of butt cheeks. I have a great deal more respect for a woman trapped in a man's body who wants to let that woman out than I do for a woman who looks in the mirror and says "My lips aren't as full as Angelina Jolie's (or who-ever's) are"!
But, I mean, I get the hipocracy in my little tirade here, too. I mean, my argument is based on the fact that we're all gorgeous in some way -- seriuosly; there is someone who looks at you and gets all weak in the thighs -- and yet hear I am doggin' on people because they've had cosmetic surgery. My fundamentalist argument is that they were beautiful when they were natural, sportin' the parts God gave them at birth, and then they fucked it up by trying to improve themselves.
But the argument breaks down immediately because I'm judging them by their looks the same way they judged themselves by their looks, and now even if they've realized what a mistake it was to alter their body, they're stuck with what they've done. I mean, for all I know, every woman who had baskeballs implanted under her skin realized it was a mistake, then realized her True beauty comes from within, and now accepts her Barbie-breasts as poor jusdgement at a weak and vulnerable time in her past, simply loves herself for who she is -- who she is -- regardless of the fact her funbags don't bounce in that sexy way anymore.
And if that were the case -- like, if I went off on this tear and a woman with a fake something-or-other explained how getting cosmetic surgery forced her to realize that her beauty comes from within, and now she loves herself like she never has before, exactly as she is here and now, and therefore the cosmetic surgery resulted in her being happier than she ever has been in her life -- I would feel like a complete wanker.
Actually...
I guess that does make me a wanker, lol.
But STILL... Duck-lips?!!
I mean, who would have to get a duckbill implanted into their mouth before they realized it might not have been a great idea after all?
And I guess part of what makes me crazy when it comes to this is the fact that I'm seeing TV ADS for LOCAL COSMETIC SURGEONS!!! It's not just something that goes on in Hollywood, in secret, anymore! Now you get these mangled old guys on TV telling you how ugly you are, and how giving them thousands of dollars can make you beautiful! "I'm 67 years old, but I used to look 69, but now I look like I was made by Mattel! And you don't have to settle for looking like a human being, you, too, can look like a PIXAR character in just one day! We use twilight anesthesia and we even have a layaway plan!"
This is wrong, isn't it?! I mean, we won't eat meat harvested from cloned animals -- sparing the natural animals the pain of a life lived in nightmare conditions and leading up to brutal slaughter -- and yet we'll let some insecure, money-grubbing old dude tell us we're not good enough as we are and that we should give him lots of money to make us look the way he thinks we should look?!!
Blah.
Sorry. I know I'm either preaching to the choir or flappin' my gums in the wind.
But this is something I don't hear discussed. And I think it should be. I mean, how many people are aware that there is a percentage (and this is a personal rant, so I haven't bothered to dig up the actual numbers -- which, in all fairness, could me so small as to render my point moot) of cosmetic surgery clients that discover their first operation didn't make them love themselves the way they thought it would, so they go back again and again, like addicts, constantly chasing a "perfection" that they -- because the true problem lies not in what they see in the mirror but the perception that perceives what is seen -- will never, ever attain? And if people knew about this, would as many of them get that first operation? Or might they, provided this knowledge, seek alternate means to feel better about themselves?
Blah.
I'm doing it again. Sorry, lol.
And I have no right to judge anyway. I mean besides the fact that none of us can walk even a millimeter in another's shoes, so to speak, it's a little too easy for me to feel confident in myself.
Have you seen my girlfriend?!! ;D She the hot chick at the top of my blog header! I mean, when a woman like that calls you "gorgeous" or "sexy" how can you NOT feel great about yourself!
So maybe that's the real problem... Maybe we just need to hear gorgeous people tell us how beautiful we are more often than we do.
If that is the solution, I know this phone sex line we can all call! It's got this writhing duck-creature with huge gazoongas and a New-Yowk accent...
;P
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1 comment:
You crack me up! :)
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