Cheese, Glorious CHEESE!!! :D

I don't know what it is, but I like me some B-Movies!!!

I think part of it is that since B-Movies can't rely on star power, they rely on genre. So people might not, say, watch a movie just because it stars Greg Evigan, but they might watch it because it's a Sci-Fi/Horror flick. (Or because it has a dinosaur on the movie poster/DVD cover, which means it's a Sci-Fi/Horror flick.)

Another aspect may be that since they don't have the money to give special effects or monsters much screen time, they have to fill those frames with character.

One more aspect: A major studio production wants to get as many people watching their films as possible, so they may "soften" or dilute any ideas that might prove too provocative or controversial for the mainstream. But low-budget flicks know they're not going to have many viewers, and their films cost so little to make that they don't need many; so they don't shy away from controversial or provocative ideas, and let their audiences find them.

Bottom Line: I think the well-meaning B-Movies have to try harder. And I guess that's part of what draws me to them from time to time.

Part.

The rest is... I don't know! Some of my fondest memories are of TV mini-series -- like the original V and it's sequel mini-series V: The Final Battle and Stephen King's IT and Stephen King's The Stand! Then there were these classic made-for-TV movies like Dark Night of the Scarecrow and Duel! I guess -- particularly when I was younger, and couldn't necessarily go to see every movie I wanted to -- I liked the fact that some "big events" were willing to come to me. And then, as I got older and fell in love with filmmaking, maybe I saw similar traits in some of these schlocky old B-Movies that (before the straight-to-VHS, and later straight-to-DVD markets) were made to go straight to the drive-ins, or before that -- during the days of doubles features in cinemas -- the movies that showed after the animated shorts, news reels and this week's installment of the current serials or chapter-plays, and before the Main Attraction (or the A-Movie). The low-budget films always seemed to be trying a little harder to surprise you and shock you.

But that's all retcon. I don't know, for sure, what my primal draw is to these red-headed stepchildren of the Hollywood hierarchy.

I just know that when they're done well -- when the filmmakers are really trying to do their job right -- these things can be a genuine pleasure to watch!

Now, not all low-budget movies are created equal, mind you.

There are the H.G. Wells' The War of the Worlds out there, "knockbuster" hack jobs that seem to the viewer to be an exercise for the filmmakers in what it might be like if they really were filmmakers. These movies leave the audience feeling ripped-off, like someone tricked them into wasting their money/time. A viewer gets the impression that the filmmakers are either the victims of guileless incompetence, or are maliciously callous confidence "artists" (no pun intended there) who want to make money, regardless of who suffers.

The above category isn't just for knockbusters, either. there are films like American Nightmare that aren't trying to cash in on anyone else' viral buzz, they're just inexperienced and/or unskilled. But the effect is the same. You just feel ripped-off and disappointed.

Then there are the Troma-type lazy low-budgets. I have a deep, dark pit of rage that seethes for filmmakers like this. By "Troma-like" I mean films that are ostensibly Comedy films shot on a low budget, making Farce out of film genres. The reason I hate these so passionately and so thoroughly is that I believe the term "Farce" is really just a mask for creative laziness and/or incompetence. I have only seen a handful of Troma films, so I'm not really talking about that studio specifically. (The few films of theirs I have seen definitely fall into this category, but since I haven't seen a majority of their work, it would be unfair to claim all or most of the filmmakers who work for the studio are equally cynical or incompetent.)

What I'm talking about is filmmakers who are afraid to stick their creative necks out and/or put in the time and effort required to compensate for their low budgets, and just slap together 90 minutes or so of mediocre-to-poor footage and call it a movie. Then they cynically cover their story holes and gaps in logic by throwing in some ineffectual slapstick, and claim the movie is a Farce.

Real Farce is incredibly smart and subtle, and takes even more creative effort than the genre or subject you're spoofing. It also possesses the same emotional satisfaction as the genre being spoofed. Easy jokes that fail to actually make the audience laugh, slapped in a series of random scenes poorly conceived, poorly acted and poorly shot do not make a Farce.

I suspect this category of "filmmaker" (they do make films, in the technical sense, but they are not the artists that real filmmakers are) possesses the technical and business savvy to collect the pay check, but they hide their creative insecurities behind a facade of "Comedy" -- if you don't really try, you can't fail, can you?

So when I talk about B-Movies, I'm not referring to hacks collecting a paycheck. I'm not talking about filmmakers who don't really care if audience enjoy their work, but just want to make money off us.

When I talk about B-Movies, and my love for them, I'm talking about the filmmaking underdogs, those cats who just never caught the breaks Spielberg, Lucas, Bay, Scorsese, Soderberg, Hitchcock, Hawks, or any of the number of directors or writers whose names you know caught, and so they do the job and get none of the acclaim (and just a sliver of the money) of their famous counterparts.

I'm talking about folks who love their job and try their hardest to make movies that audiences will have fun watching! The work horses! Not the American Dream, but the American reality!

THESE CATS ROCK!!!

AND... I find that I enjoy the fruits of their labors!

Granted, I'm more likely to hit Walmart at 12:01am to picks up a copy of Iron Man 2 instead of 100 Million BC, but that's just because Iron Man 2 has better press.

Which brings me back to why I wrote this entry...

This weekend is another weekend dedicated to hard paranormal work. I have hours and hours of audio and video to review by Monday morning. HOWEVER... my mom is in town this weekend, and this was the night she dedicated to seeing her boys! :) So I'll be a diligent psuedo-scientist Saturday and Sunday, but TONIGHT is for FUN! :D

And, for whatever reason, tonight I'm in the mood for some B-Movie goodness!!!

My day started with me waking up un-goddly early (I set my alarm for 4:00pm, shudder) so that I could hose my rocks off and have clothes on by 5:00pm.

But then the day got immediately fun when Mom picked Brian & me up and we went for a couple of hours of conversation and culinary orgasm to Red Lobster. (Say what you will about chain restaurants, but I have never had a less-than-excellent meal at Red Lobster!) (Shrimp Fettucini... Mmmmmmmmmm...)

When Mom dropped us off, I made a run to Walmart to buy a few essentials (so I don't have to leave my cave at all over the weekend), and to browse their DVD isles.

I wasn't looking for a mainstream release. I was looking for a knockbuster.

What I found was -- so far -- GOLD! For $5.00, they had a double-feature of Journey to the Center of the Earth and 100 Million BC!!! IT HAD DINOSAURS ON THE COVER!!! :D And they both star Greg Evigan!!! (My last memory of him was in the made-for-syndicated-TV movies based on William Shatner's TrekWar novels, and they had that fun, cheesey B-Movie feel to them!)

And did I mention...? $5!!! :D

There was also another DVD that intrigued me: It was called Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, and it occurred to me that SFX might be far enough along by now that even a low-budget movie may be able to pull off this type of slick by now! :)

I mean, it's gonna be bad, sure. But maybe it will be bad in that Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack way, right?

But this flick was, like, $7.50.

So I can drop $12.50 for all 3 movies, pay $7.50 for just the 1 movie, or pay a mere $5.00 and get 2 movies.

No contest, right?

I also bought this 2-disc DVD set of 1980s Saturday Morning Cartoons. It's like a sampler set with full episodes of the Mr. T show, Chuck Norris's show, the Ed Grim show and the like! I HAD TO buy this, also, because I knew Brian would flip out over it!

Brian has to be at work early tomorrow, so I got home, popped the first disc of the 80s Toons in and watched the first few episodes until he crashed. Then I retired to my room with the Asylum Double-Feature disc (the one with the dinosaurs on the cover!) and started watching.

I started with Journey to the Center of the Earth and I'm diggin' it, but I keep wondering about this Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus!

And then an idea hits me! "I wonder if Netflix has the movie in their Watch Now selection."

THEY DO!!!

So here's my plan for tonight:

1. Drink a lot of beer as I
2. watch Mega Shark Versus giant Octopus on Netflix,
3. then finish Journey to the Center of the Earth,
4. then watch 100 Million BC!!!

It's BRILLIANT, right?!! I'm an entertainment GENIUS!!! I should be getting paid a bazillion dollars a year to tell cable channels what to air on their stations!

That's my Friday Night!

I hope yours is actually cooler (if that's possible), and if it's not, make the rest of your weekend THE AWESOME-EST!!! :D