HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL TOWEL DAY!!!

I just finished listening to the Tertiary Phase of THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY!!! (Again, hehe.)

I took my towel to work... but... that didn't raise any questions or eyebrows, lol. I had rather hoped that I could proudly explain to at least one querier that today was an international holiday celebrating the genius of one Mr. Douglas Adams, but apparently to people who know me I wear eccentricity the way everyone else wears jeans and tennis shoes. Sporting a huge, blue beach towel seems to be par for the course for me, lol.

Still...!

I had a good day!

Work provided a couple of minor dramas, but overall I was able to do my job at an embarrassingly lazy pace, and still have time to read half a BUFFY comic (Issue #3!!!) for the last half-hour of my shift.

So that's cool.

AND -- this is the big one for me -- I'M OFF UNTIL THURSDAY THE 31st!!!

I was able to finish listening to the last 2 hours of HHGG: Tertiary Phase while snatching up all the beer and pizza (and fries and onion rings and stuff) I'll need for the next 5 days! (If all goes to plan, I'll even be able to eat pizza TWICE one day of my mini-vacation!)

It's a bit odd, perhaps, me burning off a couple of random days (both days I do the least amount of work, no less) just to stay at home and write and play videogames -- and, with any luck, chat with my hot little Gnomey Goddess -- but I was starting to feel a bit burnt-out, so I figured I'd take a 5-day weekend. I needed to NOT wake up to an alarm a good 2 hours before my body was ready to become conscious.

And at the moment I have the last 2 episodes of Season 3 of VERONICA MARS to watch, the latest episode (frickin' FINALLY!) of STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP to watch, another half of Issue 3 of BUFFY to read, then 2 whole DRESDEN FILES novels to read if I still find myself looking for entertainment, as well as volumes 4 & 5 of THE WALKING DEAD ("The Heart's Desire" and "The Best Defense" reprinting issues 19-30) to catch up on.

So I won't be bored, lol.

But I'm also working on a novel, and have been making some surprisingly good progress on that! So I'm hoping to make even MORE progress on my mini-vacation. (Like, a day or two of rest, then a couple of days of actual work, then either a day off or another day cramming before I have to go back to the "day job".)

OOH! And Brian and I plan to see PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END this Sunday!!! I SO can't wait!!!

And then, naturally, I'm hoping to stuff as much Gnomey Time into this schedule as she can spare, hee-hee!!! (I am frankly surprised how much I've missed that amazing woman! She fills something in me that I didn't know was empty! The last couple of days I've felt like a car battery that's quickly losing it's charge. There's a "spark" about her that ignites me and sets me ablaze! But not in the painful "Oh My Skin Is Disintegrating" way, but more like GHOST RIDER! I'm a happy, happy man on my own -- not only blessed but also able to recognize and appreciate those blessings, and truly ENJOY them -- but in the 9 months Gnomey has been a part of my life she has made me feel... supernatural, almost, lol! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!)

So, fingers crossed that things in her life slow down enough for us to steal a couple of hours sometime this week. :D

Anyway...

Hey... Can I pester you about something?

There's this local commercial for a pest & lawn service that just bugs the shit out of me!

I don't want to mention their name because I would HATE to accidentally advertise them. (Often when I bitch about how ANNOYING a commercial is My Genius Friend Dave will point out (annoyingly, lol) "Well, they made you remember them.")

But these losers have ALWAYS been hacks at advertising. First of all, all their commercials look like they were shot with an old-school VHS Camcorder, and their graphics were obviously done on some computer that's still running Windows 95.

But that's not the most insulting part.

The most insulting part -- natch -- is THE WRITING!

These freakin' amateurs (who are getting PAID -- which annoys me MORE, of course) are so awful at what they do that you can actually see what they're TRYING to do, and DO IT BETTER in 15 seconds than they can spending however-much-money-and-time to accomplish! It's like they watch commercials, say to themselves "I see what they're doing; I can do that" AND THEN THEY CAN'T!!!

Here's the latest to piss me off. This guy (shot on VHS tape) smugly says to the camera, "They say there's two kinds of homes in Austin: Those that have termites, and those that will get them."

WTF KINDA SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?!!

We'll ignore the omniscient "They" who say a lot of stupid, unfounded and often nonsensical things that people quote when they don't have any solid facts to back their argument up with. We will, instead, jump ahead to the basic logic of the statement...

If it's taken as factual that there are, indeed, 2 kinds of homes in Austin: Those that have termites and those that will have them, then the following statements, logically, are also true:

1. There are 2 types of lottery players: Those that have won the lottery, and those that will win.

2. There are 2 types of drivers in the world: Those that have died in a fiery car crash, and those that will.

3. There are 2 types of blog writers on the Net: Those that have published their blogs for millions of dollars, and those that will.

4. There are 2 types of women in Texas: Those that have slept with me, and those that will.

5. There are 2 types of homes in Austin: Those that have never had termites and those that will never have them.

Because something has happened more than once DOES NOT logically imply that it will continue to!!!

Besides, what would be the purpose of the service these guys are trying to sell you? "They" don't mention a 3rd type of home in Austin. Are these guys merely saying that if your home hasn't had termites, it will have them... but you can pay anyway, them just for grins?

THESE IDIOTS ARE MAKING MONEY WRITING THIS GARBAGE!!!

(Btw, I SWEAR to you that the theme jingle for this company sounds exactly like it was written for BARNEY!!! You know... the big purple dinosaur from the mid-90s? Sold lots of videotapes, and retarded the intellectual development of hundreds of thousands of American toddlers? Surely you remember!)

But let us, for argument's sake, give these brainless fuckholes the benefit of the doubt: Let's assume that they're merely quoting a popular expression. (I've never heard it, but I'm a renter and have never had to worry about my lawn.) Why not follow this "they say" up with some facts? Some statistics that make their point?

Why?

BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE!!!

If, for instance, 20% of homes in Austin had termites (a small percentage, granted) you could easily open with "Twenty percent of Austin homes have termites. It's a small number with big consequences. If you don't want your home to be part of that statistic call..."

You get the point.

I thought of that in 5 seconds.

If I had REALLY been trying, and had bothered to do ANY research -- because, say, I'm GETTING A PAYCHECK out of it -- I'll bet I could have you dialing the number of these idiots' competitor (because I would NEVER work for these bozos) in less than the remaining 25 seconds!

"They say" is just LAZY fucking writing!

Humph.

So why am I not a millionaire yet?

Blah.

So anyway...

They say there are 2 types of blog entires: Those that make you giggle, and those that will.

Maybe this entry will fall into either of those catagories, lol.

PEACE!!!

:D