Building the Boo-Wheel

OKAY! HERE IT IS!!! This is one of my adventures in SecondLife... With pics! I figure the best way to communicate what's so addictive about SL is to SHOW you.

And to do that, I got Brian to give me a hand with a simple build: I call it the "Boo-Wheel".

Some explanation: Ultimately, I'd love to construct a full-blown Haunted House in-world. But I don't know scripting, and I don't have the (very expensive) programs I would need to create animations that worked in-world. So I need to use the simple scripts available to me, and apply them in simple machines that accomplish a desired result.

My first idea it the Boo-Wheel. It's a large, invisible wheel with a life-size cut-out of a ghost or monster. The wheel is also a "phantom" object -- which means that people can walk through it with out being affected. Also, the monster (in this case, a life-size Freddy Krueger stand-up that Brian made) is a phantom object; so when it pops out at the visitor, it doesn't smack 'em in the face and knock them down.

Now, I know we're talking about virtual people in a virtual world here. But this world has rules, and one of the basic rules of SecondLife is "Don't abuse each other!!!" I don't know that it's ever stated that way, specifically, but if you boil all the rules that get you banned and kicked-out of SL, they all stem from abusive behaviour toward fellow Residents.

So I don't want to build something that abuses my visitors. After a while, they may report me and I may get kicked out. So -- like a RL Haunted House creator -- I want to keep my visitors' safety in mind while I'm designing this.

So, here are the players:



That's us, respectively, Brian (the Grayskin ET) and me (with the blue goatee).

And this is the Project Site:



It's a platform Brian built, set way, way, WAY up in the sky. The location is for privacy, and so we don't disturb our neighbors. The size is use in that it allows more than one of us to create multiple objects at once without getting in each other's way. It also serves as a launch/landing pad for the many, MANY flying vehicles Brian owns. (You can see a small blue personal craft in the pic, but he's got some HUGE ones, and he'll sometimes fly us around, all at once.)



I didn't even have to ask Brian to get started. Before I knew what he was doing, he was already creating the Boo-Wheel. At first, he didn't fully get the concept of HOW I wanted to attatch the Freddy stand-up. I wanted it sticking out, rather than pressed against the wheel.

The next step was to create the wall, so I got on that while Brian was doing his thing.

My job was the easiest, and I was done in no time...



So then we moved the Boo-Wheel behind the Horror Wall (Ya like that? My creativity with the names?) and attatched Freddy.

Then it was time to test it out...







A SUCCESS!!!

That was the last pass, of course. We had to adjust Freddy's proximity to the wheela couple of times before we nailed it.

And what the pics can't show you is that the Boo-Wheel makes a long arch, unseen behind the wall. And every time the Freddy stand-up comes around, he pokes through the wall, appearing to the person on the other side of the wall that Freddy is swinging out to take a swipe at them and then disappearing back into the wall.

The final step of the process was to turn the Boo-Wheel completely invisible. What you DON'T see on the other side of the wall is the Boo-Wheel (which was previously wood textured).



And there ya go... My first guided tour through one of the many, many addictive aspects of SL!!! I hope to take you on more of these tours as my adventures continue.

That is, of course, if I can pull myself out of the world long enough to organize the pics and write the article!!!

Bed Time...

I need to get some sleep now, but I just wanted to record here that I spent more time meeting new people in SL today and tonight than I have in RL in FOREVER!!!

And it was really fun!!!

It started out with me hanging with Brina, then Tommy came along, then a woman I met a few days ago (whom I DO NOT know in RL) and the 4 of us hung out and made stuff and fixed stuff, then I hooked up with another woman I met last night, and she introduced me to her friends...

It's been a REALLY SOCIAL day for me!!! And I didn't leave the house!!!

Now, I get that this is sort of antisocial... Only, it's not really...

I mean, in-world the subconscious can't really distinguish between RL and SL... You're seeing stuff, you're hearing stuff, you're doing stuff....

And the people you're surrounded by are like real people -- because they ARE real people, with their own personalities and preferences, and likes and dislikes...

I'm just trying to wrap my head around this, really...

I mean, for 35 years REAL meant material, physical, able-to-be-measured-by-physics. And I knew that stuff you read, or movies you saw or music you listened to made that idea of "real" a bit more maliable. And then a deeper exploration of spirituality sort of inverted that idea.

But Virtual Living... This must be what people in the '60s who experimented with acid and LSD felt like, kind of! Because Reality is really, really unreal for me!

Am I insane?

Aw, who am I kidding? I'm not particularly concerned about my sanity! :) Experience has taught me that 9 times out of 10, insanity is a LOT more FUN :)

I've spent the day in SL

My computer crashed and is rebooting, so I thought I'd take a second to drop you an entry...

DUDE!!! I am SO addicted to SL!!!

Okay, I spent the day with Brian and Tommy and our new friend "Tam" -- that's a nickname for her SL name.

We made some stuff, rearranged our store -- where we sell stuff we've made in-world -- and now we're AT AN SL CLUB, DANCING!!!

I don't know how long it's been since I've been dancing -- in REAL Life -- but that's what I'm doing now!

I mean, I KNOW that you're not gonna get it until I can show you some pictures (video would be better, but we're not set up for that yet), but this world, SecondLife, FEELS amazingly REAL!

When you're doing stuff in there, you just DO NOT feel as though your sitting in a chair with a keyboard in your lap! You FEEL as though what you're seeing is what you're actually doing!

It's amazing!

Blah.

I'll try to get you and entry with pics soon, so you'll have some idea what I keep going on about!

Meantime, RL or SL, I hope you're having A BLAST!!!

P.S.

I'm not a complete freak...

639 people just logged back into SecondLife. I'll make an even 340.

Hi, I'm Ray Jay, and I'm a SecondLife Addict

ALL: "Hi, Ray Jay."

Okay, so Brian and I are BOTH sitting at our computers, logged into the SecondLife site, the forums pages, announcements from the Lindens section, WAITING for the announcement that the grid is back up and we can log back in.

How SICK am I?!!

After a Tuesday spent ignoring email and just cattin' around SecondLife, I spent an inordinately large portion of my day today THINKING about SecondLife. The last few hours were spent waiting for the time that I could drive home and log back into SecondLife.

This is how sick I am: I even found a way to share SecondLife with YOU! I figured out that a picture is worth a thousand words, and planned a couple of blogs that would include photos: One is a tour of some places that I like to frequent, and the other follows me as I create something in-world.

I figured that if I combined images with my words, you might get a better impression of what it is that I love so much about the virtual world.

Hold on a sec...

Had to check the announcements. The grid is still down.

:(

Okay, now to be fair to me, I'm not ALONE in my obsession. (And I'm not just talkin' about my brother/roommater, either.) I don't remember the precise number, but out of a total residency (people who have are members of SecondLife are called "Residents") of 165,094, there were a little more that 2,000 people logged in when the grid went down.

AT 3-something A.M.!

Now, granted, some are from different parts of the world, so their time is different from mine.

At 3a my time it was 4a in New York, 2a in Los Angeles and 9a in London. (I know Londond time because last year when they aired the last 2 series of the HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY radio series, the only way I could hear it -- at first -- was to wake up and listen to it live on the BBC website.)

My points are these: (1) If most of the Residents of SecondLife are American, then there are upwards of 2,000 of them as obsessive as I am, because they were online at an odd hour, too; or (2) if Americans do not comprise the bulk of the SecondLife Residents, then the addiction is far-reaching, and I should be cut some slack on THAT account.

So there.

OHMYGOSH!!!

Andrew Linden just announced that the "asset cluster" is in the process of coming back up now!!!

This means I may be MINUTES away from loggin back in-world!!!

I think I'm about to wet myself!!!

:)

HEY! DON'T you judge me! Not till you've walked down 3 flights of stair in my commander boots. (That's what Walmart's "Survivors" brand calls its combat boots.) Brian's in there looking at snapshots from his excursions into SecondLife. Mock HIM!

Isn't it kinda cool, though, that we live in a world where the term "asset cluster" actually gives us some idea of what the problem is? I mean, if you had put the words "asset" and "cluster" next to each other in a sentence, I would have thought you were suffering a siezure. But with even the layman's understanding of computers and software nowadays, "asset cluster" gives you some idea of the nature of the problem.

Or am I just a nerd?

Brian just reported that one more person just came online in the last 5 seconds! That brings the total number of people in-world to 4.

The disheartening aspect to this news it that those 4 are probably Lindens -- people who work at Linden Labs, the creators of SecondLife -- who are only online to analyze and fix the problem. (You know, get the Asset Clusters back up and running...)

There are no new updates...

:(

And Brian just decided to retire for the evening.

Which is fine, really. I was surprised to find him awake when I got home this evening anyway. He's usually crashed by the time I get home. But the nature of the SL addiction is that you think of something you want to do in-world during your First Life, or RL ("Real Life"), and then you obsess about it until you can log in and do the thing you've been obsessing about. His hit him on his way to work. So the poor guy had some 8 hours to obsess before he could slake his SL thirst!

I just checked the updates, and it doesn't look like I'm logging in anytime soon, either.

It's funny, I spent all last week overwhelmed by all my pretty, shiny new toys. I've got HOURS of Vincent Price Old-Time Radio shows to listen to, 2 dvds worth of Jim Gaffigan's standup comedy, a bunch of PRIME PS2 games, 2 novels and 3 comic books to read, and the ONLY toy in my toybox that I really, really, REALLY want to play with is broken.

I supose I am a little bit sick.

Okay, I've got 8 minutes before I need to go to bed... Let's check the announcement board again...

Still down...

7 minutes...

Still down...

You know, one cool aspect to this evening is that I FINALLY leanred the keyboard shortcut to refresh an Internet window. It's F5.

6 minutes...

Still down...

5 minutes...

Still down...

I thank you for waiting here with me. I don't know if I could handle this withdrawal on my own.

4 minutes...

Still down...

I wonder how many 12-Step programs exist to help those of us with SL addiction...

3 minutes...

"Normally the asset cluster is resilient to a node failure, however shortly after tonights initial failure other nodes also went down and we don't yet know why. The cluster is in the process of coming back up now."

That's the last message posted by one of the Lindens. It hasn't changed. SecondLife is still down...

2 minutes...

Still down...

1 mintes...

YES!!! THE GRID IS BACK UP!!! Tesla Linden just thanked me for my patience!!!

I'll talk to you guys later!

Better Than COFFEE

I learned today that RESIDENT EVIL 4 is the way to wake myself up.

Last night, after woork, I had to get back into the game... Twice. There's this village full of psycho simps wielding axes and scythes and pitchforks, and you HAVE TO take them all on for a long while. It's just part of the game.

Now, if you've ever played RE4, you know that I've just barely started the game. But that's okay, because I'm STILL trying to get used to those frickin' PS2 controls!!!

Anyway, I was drinking last night, so I didn't notice my physiological responses to this game. But this morning I dragged myself out of bed, played the game for a half-hour or more, and I noticed that my heart was RACING when I finally put it down. (I cleared the village once, night before last, but I didn't save it because I had used up all my Herbs and Ammo in the slaughter, so I'm still trying to fight my way through that village.)

So tonight I elected -- difficult as it was -- NOT to play the game until morning. Because that game GETS YOU GOING!!!

You may have read or heard that the human memory cannot distiguish an image in a film from an actual memory. You can test this idea if there's a particular scene -- of any genre or nature -- that you can remember in vivid detail. You can elicit just as powerful a physiological response by the memory of the movie as you can with the memory of something that actually happened to you. (RETURN OF THE KING: "YOU bow to NO ONE." That's one of mine. Man-tears EVERY TIME!)

So the biological responses are fairly open to suggestion, yeah?

Well, I was SO jacked with adrenaline after playing that game!!!

So I figure that the best way to utilize the game is to use it to wake up to, except on days when I don't go into work... Then I'll just ABUSE that game until my thumbs bleed!

This is a really interesting time for me -- though, not necessarily for you -- because I'm co-writing Kelly's story, I've got a little some'in'-some'in' of my own that I'm toying with here and there, and then I've got this NIRVANHA of videogames!!! (If I wanna come down off of RE4 I can play BUFFY for a while, or drive around Springfield, or BE Spider-Man!) And then I'm also working.

If you hop backward in Time on my blog, you'll find that I've been working on projects before. But here's the odd thing for me: I seem to be -- SEEM to be; Time will tell if this perception is correct -- accomplishing QUITE A LOT right now!!!

And what makes that wierd is just how MUCH I seem to be squeazing into every day. Gene Simmons talks about this in his book SEX MONEY KISS, but it's a little surprising to experience it. I mean, I've experienced it before -- there have been many times when we were shooting a short film for 12 hours then going to work for 8; and that doesn't even include when I was a teen in the theatre (mainly because I was a teen and had all that hormonal energy to burn) -- but it surprises me now because I'm 35, and SHOULD be feeling tired from all this activity.

But instead, I feel energized.

I'm guessing this is why people are encouraging you to "follow your bliss", or simply do what you're passionate about, all the time. It really does seem to add hours to your day and give you the energy to FILL those hours!

May YOUR hours be filled with bliss!!! (And shooting zombies, if you're so inclined.)

Resident Evil 4!!!

I popped SILENT HILL 4: THE ROOM in the Playstation last night and got through the credits when Kelly called to do some writing.

It was a good conversation, but it went on long enough that I didn't get my horror-game fix.

So this morning I woke up jonesing for some horror gaming. But I didn't have time, before I had to get ready for work, for the slow and somewhat plodding (or, rather, "suspenseful") pace of a SILENT HILL game. I need some Action/Horror.

There's my BUFFY game...

But that doesn't really FEEL like a horror game. It feels like an action game, like SPIDER-MAN 2... You know? Like a super-hero game. Doesn't give me that horror fix.

So I'm looking through my huge-ass library of games (getting bigger by the day) and I spot RESIDENT EVIL 4, which I haven't played yet...

...and I pop it in...

AND IT RULES THE WORLD!!! I mean, I probably only played it for half an hour -- and I'm not a proper gamer, so I probably accomplish much less than most people do in half an hour -- but I LOVED every second!!!

It reminded me why I love the RESIDENT EVIL series as much as I do! There's just nothing like an RE game! Wandering around creepy setting with zombies popping out at you every few feet, and shooting!!!

Only, the graphics for RE4 are, naturally, MIND-BLOWING!!! I popped a dude's head OFF with one of my shots!!! Dude's coming at me with a pitchfork, I fire and TAKE HIS HEAD OFF, and he keeps coming for a few feet before his body realizes that it's not getting any signals from upstairs anymore!

I mean, don't get me wrong, it's HORRIBLE. But it's horrible in that Horror-Flick/Horror-Game way!!!

I do need to go back and play some more of my SILENT HILLs -- I DIG ON the psychology they employ -- but I think I'll be focusing every moment I can steal away on RESIDENT EVIL 4 for the time being! (At least, until I come up against a Boss that refused to die, and I get all frustrated because I can't progress any further. Then I'll be able to take a break...)

Okay, I'm going to go now. I have some research I need to do to create some backstory for some bad guys...

You KNOW you SO wish you were me!

:)

He's BACK!!!

Okay, so last night I pretty much finished setting up my "new" computer (new to me, anyway) for use and tonight I read the first 6 pages of script/treatment that Kelly wrote, then sent him some feedback.

I'm back in the game!!!

But now I'm torn: Part of me says "Good job, Ray Jay. Go play some Playstation", and part of me goes "You know, you could apply what Kel's written to your yWriter program and..."

Torn between 2 lovers...

WHAT A GREAT POSITION TO BE IN!!!

:)

I Am Worthless Right Now :)

Usually, when I'm writing with someone, it's a lot of me calling and emailing and IM-ing going "Okay, so now what? How about THIS? Or how about THIS?"

I get home from Bossier City and I've got a bunch of emails from Kelly, one of which consisted of the words "Why won't you write me back?"

Now I'm THAT guy, the guy who is too busy to work!

Not really. Actually, I don't know if I told Kelly Bossier City was this week. I just find it ironic -- and REALLY encouraging -- to be on the other side of that paradigm! (The difference is that starting this weekend I WILL get my ass bacxk to work! When I was the one going "Let's get busy" the other parties never did.)

Just before I left for Bossier City Kelly sent me 45 PAGES OF NOTES on our script!!! This cat's ready to roll!!!

Got me a PS2!!!

:)

And as of yesterday, I have FINALLY played a SILENT HILL game!!! Not all the way through! I've only spent a couple of hours on SH2, but I've gotten to taste it!!! My Special Makeup Effects Friend Marvin -- who will watch ALL horror movies, good or bad -- can't play the first game for more than 20 minutes at a time. It scares him THAT MUCH! So I've been dying to own a platform for 6 years or more!

And now I've got one!!!

I gambled $500 in Bossier City and won back $369 of it!!! I mostly played the slots. I put a $20 in a machine, and play until I won back more than what I put in. Many times I lost the entire bill, but then the next game I'd be down to $7 or so, and win, say, $19, and I'd cash-out at $26! It's not much of a win, but I didn't loose that bill! Then I had a couple of big wins: I won $190+ off one twenty-dollar bill, and $150+ off another! AND THAT WAS MY FIRST DAY THERE!!!

It was fun.

And the car ride there and back was a lot more fun that I imagined it would be! Mom and Brian dig on Oldies (70s & 80s stuff), so there was some fun to be had singing along or mocking or just remembering. (We got a lot of history, the three of us...)

Mom wanted to leave super early (6a) Monday so that we would have time to gamble our first day, so I just didn't go to sleep Sunday night. So on the road there I dozed a lot.

Then we got there around 1p and pretty much hit the casino right away. Mom was meeting an old (old, OLD) friend for dinner, so Brian and I planned to be scarce. But by the time 5p rolled around we all three ended up back in the room, taking a break. (Well, Brian and I were taking a break; Mom was getting ready for her dinner.)

I was about to say that by 9:00 pm Brian and I retired from the casino for the day, but he just reminded me that we STAYED IN THE ROOM that night! Can you believe that?!! We, a couple of young, verile party animals, were gambled out our first day after a mere 5 hours... in the casino... It was some 7 hours in the car before that.

We did go eat a dinner buffet, though.

To be fair, though, part of the reason we stayed in the room is that we had a plan: Gamble half or LESS of the money we had. And although I had won big TWICE within the first couple of hours, I was going through $20s like a married guy at a topless bar by the time we left the casino! I hadn't yet figured out that you don't play for the big jackpot, you play to get your money back, with a little extra. It took all that loosing to figure that out.

So Mom had said, several times, that when she gave Brian and me the $1,000 each to gamble with, we could do whatever we wanted with it: Gamble half of it or gamble it all away, just whatever. Well... Brian has been looking for a new computer with a better processor -- so he can more thoroughly enjoy Second Life, without crashing -- and I've been itching to spend hour in some horror and action games. (I think it's the weather... I think Brian and I must have gotten our Dreamcast in the Spring, so now when it gets all Spring-y outside I start jonesin' for videogames.)

So Brian and I spent Monday night in the room. We found some FRIENDS on TBN or TNN or one of those Turner stations, and after that was back-to-back episodes of FAMILY GUY!!! (One of them had KISS guesting!!!) Mom had gotten back from her dinner in time for the sitcoms, and had crashed by the time that SNOW DAY came on.

My brother and I watched SNOW DAY Monday night!

It actually didn't suck! I mean, if it weren't free on TV, I seriously doubt we would have ever seen it. And I don't think we'll be renting to watch it again. But we did have fun pointing out writing/filmmaking tricks to each other. And there were a few good laughs in there.

Actually, I'm not being fair to the movie. There was some really good filmmaking going on in that flick! And it was A LOT better written than, say, those MUMMY movies or VAN HELSING. VAN HELSING WISHES it was as good as SNOW DAY!!!

So anyway, at some point early in the movie it occured to me that this might be more fun with beer! So I went downstairs to the bar for a 6-pack of Coors Light and 6 bottles of water. Naturally, being a bar, they didn't have the cans in the plastic rings, or a shopping bag to put them in. However, being a casino/hotel, the barkeep was more than willing to help me out. He suggested I go to the gift shop and ask if they have a bag.

They did, and I had my six and my water.

Actually, the beer just made me sleepy. (I still hadn't has a real night's sleep yet sleep.) I think I only drank 2.

Anyway, after SNOW DAY the station aired SURF NINJAS, and I figured that was my cue to retire.

OH! I haven't told you about the room yet! Okay, we stayed at the Horseshoe Casino/Hotel, and it was a room with 2 beds. So Brian and I were doubling up, or one of us was taking the couch.

I brought my sleeping bag.

But when we got there, Brian volunteered for the couch, so I got a bed.

And you can smoke ANYWHERE IN THE HOTEL/CASINO!!! So poor Mom, not a smoker, got a little smoked-out. To make matters worse for her, they sold Rum Runners cigars downstairs, so Brian and I had to get ourselves one of those. (I got 1, but Brian went back for seconds... GOOD cigars!)

This trip was about excess!

When bedtime rolled around I popped in my ZVUE headphones and fell asleep to George Carlin's A PLACE TO PUT MY STUFF. I think I got as far as track 2 before I was out.

The next day, Mom was up around 5:00 am. I figured I should probably get on her schedule since we would be leaving early the next morning.

Brian was still dead asleep when she and I decided to go back to the casino. The plan had been to eat breakfast at 9a, but by 8a Mom and I were getting bored with gambling and starved! So we went back up to the room, just as Brian was beginning to stir. But he wasn't awake enough to eat, so Mom and I went downstairs for breakfast.

It was cool. She told me about how her dinner with her friend went, and told me all this backstory about them growing up. And it wasn't like our usual conversations, it was kind of like the way I talk to my friends. I kind of got to see a side of Mom that I haven't seen ever before -- sort of like the side of Dad I only got to see after he passed away. A real bonding moment.

Very cool!

Oh, and the BACON was OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! I had scrambled eggs, bacon, hash-brown-y potatoes, and biscuits & gravy, and that was a GOOD breakfast!!! Imagine the most delicious bacon your mind can muster, and that's AT LEAST as good as this bacon was!

After breakfast we went back to the casino.

Now, when I say "we went back to the casino" I don't want to give you the wrong impression. Mom gambles ALONE. It's not like we're at the mall together going from store to store together. Hu-uh! We step into that casino and Mom's all "Okay, see ya later". She's not an addict or anything, but she doesn't mess around, either!!! So it's not quite as gay as it sounds: "My Mommy and I went gambling together." No way. We step through that doorway and she's all "See Ya!"

Before breakfast I had spotted a dealer at a Black Jack table who looked bored. I had intended then to learn how REAL Black Jack was played, but it was time to meet up with Mom for breakfast. So now I found another lone, bored-looking dealer and sat down for some school. She was really nice, and very patient, and took me through what real Black Jack is. (Helpful Tip: In casino Black jack, you're goal isn't to reach 21, it's to force the dealer to keep hitting and bust. Good to know! Also, you play with 6 decks shuffled together, so you always assume that the dealer's face-down card is a face card.)

Brian showed up while I was at the Balck Jack table, but he was (as the dealer put it) "hot for the slots" so I finished up my schooling alone. I bought $40 worth of chips, and I walked away from the Black Jack table with $60+! Not bad for a beginner!!!

I caught back up with Brian and we gambled for several more hours, then around noon we met up with Mom. And we all decided that none of us would be sad if we went home today...

Remember, Brian and I had our own agendas, so we were trying not to lose everything. And Mom hadn't gambled all her money away, but she had started to get a little bored with it.

So we hit the road around 1p, Tuesday.

Like I said before, the trip back wasn't bad. There was a lot of laughter, and Brian was the one dozing this time.

When we got into town, I ran to Walmart for beer and a couple of groceries... And I came back with a Playstation 2! (And the beer and groceries, of course.)

I woke up yesterday and went to Game Stop to expand my PS2 game library further, then spent the rest of the day playing all my new games! (There was a couple of hours in there where I went over to Mom's to help her with her new computer that Brian and I had just hooked up the day before the trip.)

And that's my week! I have done NO writing, not work of any kind!

I've just been hangin' around, being WORTHLESS!!!

Not a bad week! :)

HELLO, BOSSIER CITY!!!

I don't remember if I've mentioned this yet, but my mom and Brian and I are going on a road trip to Bossier City next week!

I'm not much of a gambler, but I'm off until NEXT FRIDAY!!! So I get to go to Louisiana for 2 and a half days, then I get to crash at home for another 2 days. AND... If I don't gamble away all my money, I might be able to see a movie or something one of those days off.

Then I go back to work Friday, then I'm OFF for 2 MORE DAYS!!!

I'm SUCH a BUM!!! And I LIKE it!!!

So if you don't hear from me befor Wednesday it's because I'm on the road or drunk and gambling in a casino. If you don't hear from me after Wednesaday it's because I'M CHILLIN' BAY-BAY!!!

Well... There is a possibility that I may -- MAY -- be doing some writing on my days off.

Maybe.

But I wouldn't count on it. I'll probably be drinkin' and watching dvds.

Most likely.

:)

MY 2005 TAXES ARE DONE!!!

I had to e-file this year because they stopped doing the telefile thing -- which sucks!!! So I thought I was going to have to go into one of those places to get them done... Which meant procrastination!

I mean, I don't exactly operate during Normal Business Hours...

BUT... I think it was Mom that mentioned e-filing, and then I remembered that I had done that a few years back -- when the programs weren't NEARLY as efficient as they are now -- so that means I can file any time day or night; EVEN during MY hours!!!

So yay!

It's just a huge invisible weight lifted off me now. I can forget about taxes until next year.

...and with any luck, next year I'll HAVE TO go to a tax-prep place because I'll have sold 1 or more screenplays, and I'll have TOO MUCH money!!!

:)

I can dream.

Did You Know KISS Has Played 83 Dates In Texas?

I just spent an hour or more on KISSonline tracking down the EXACT dates that I saw KISS live. If you're curious, they are as follows:

02/03/1985 - Odessa TX , USA - Ector County Coliseum
09/20/1990 - Odessa TX , USA - Ector County Coliseum
07/07/1996 - San Antonio TX , USA - Alamo Dome
11/05/1996 - Austin TX , USA - Frank Irwin Center
03/31/2000 - San Antonio TX , USA - Alamodome
08/17/2000 - Austin TX , USA - Frank Erwin Center

The first 2 dates were the Simmons/Stanley/Kulick/Carr line-up, no makeup. The last 4 were the Simmons/Stanley/Frehley/Criss lineup w/makup.

If you're not curious, I'm not surprised. In fact, I'm not even sure why I AM curious...

I just get in these moods, wherein I obsess about stuff...

I'm just in one of my KISS obsessions right now.

My Genius Friend Dave discovered this INCREDIBLE writing utility called yWriter!!! I've been playing with it over the weekend, and it's REALLY cool! If you're a writer... If not, probably not as groovy.

But you can plug in scenes as you create them, both brief descriptions and entire pages. And the program is set up so that every scene you plug in, you're prompted to figure out (a) whose scene it is, (b) what the main conflict of the scene is and (c) what the outcome of the conflict is.

I plugged my audio story into it and discovered that a couple of my scenes didn't really have any significant conflict in them!!! Now THAT's useful!!! That's the type of thing that could take 4 or more drafts to spot. But this guy -- the programmer/novelist who created yWriter -- made it so that every scene, you have to consider all these things.

Then, once you have enough scenes to start seeing your story come together, you can rearrange scenes for greater dramatic impact.

It's very versitile.

I LIKE IT!!!

Oh, and I spent some time Saturday in Second Life.

...a LOT of time, actually... Several hours.

Not as much time as Brian, though! That boy is DEEP!

But I'm not complaining: He found me a Paul Stanley outfit! So as of last night, I'm wandering around Second Life looking like the Starchild!!!

Did I meantion I'm obsessing about KISS lately?

Kelly's Ready To Write SILVERFISH!!!

I don't believe I've shared this with you yet, but I have a goal:

5 screenplays in 2006!!!

I realized earlier this month that I've been focusing on WRITING for the last 3 or 8 years, but I haven't been focusing on my CAREER as a writer.

So, taking stock what I know, I decided I'm in a position to try to start my career again. Most experts will tell you to have 3 good screenplays to take to Hollywood with you. One guy suggested that to get your screenwriting career started you be writing 6 screenplays a year. But because I'm just as arbitrary as the next fellow, and I have to do things MY way, I settled on 5 screenplays this year.

Now, I knew from talking with Kelly at the end of last year and the beginning of this year that he would very likely be ready for me to join him in co-writing his screenplay sometime in 2006. (he's been developing it, figuring out themes and characters and tentpole moments in the piece, but he had chosen to share the writing duty, 'cause that just MORE FUN than doing it alone!) And so I had decided that if Kelly were indeed ready to write SILVERFISH (working title) this year -- and I ahd already enthusiastically told him that I would drop whatever I was doing to help him write it, since he's working for a production company and all but has a secured green-light already -- I could count that as one of my screenplays for 2006.

See, the point of the screenplays is to have writing samples. That's how you get assignments (like, say, doing the next MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE movie for a studio, or writing Warner Brothers' next DC Comics-based movie; just for example), or how you get hired on to write for series television. (Those usually, for a TV show, they'd prefer to read a spec teleplay for some other show, just so they can see you can write for TV.)

But even if you sell one of your spec scripts (the scripts you didn't write on assignment; the scripts you didn't write for a paycheck) agents and studios and production companies like to see that you're A WRITER, as opposed to someone who had ONE good screenplay in them.

Therefore, for an aspiring screenwriter to get into the habbit of writing 6 (or 5) scripts a year makes a lot of sense, because it teaches you to write and write and keep writing.

Now here's where this becomes a Ray Jay Story...

So for the past 2 days I'm trying to figure out what my first screenplay this year is going to be. I've got a good character here, some good backstory there, but not that CLICK moment when you know you've got a good movie.

Then my buddy Kelly calls me up!

He tried to call Sunday, but I didn't get his message in time, so when I called him back he had already gone to bed or something.

But he calls me up at work -- late, so I've got plenty of time to talk -- and we catch up, then we start talking about the movie.

And as we're talking, I'm hearing a lot of what I've been hearing in previous conversations, only now it's locking together. What I'm hearing is that he's not coming up with a lot of NEW material, he's been exploring how the material he's already created fits together!!!

Whether he knows it or not, I suspect, he's ready to write this movie!

So I pop the question: "It sounds like it's time for us to write this."

His reply is quick and decisive: "It's time for us to right this! We've got to write this NOW!"

So now I don't have to wonder what my first screenplay of 5 will be, it's gonna be KELLY'S MOVIE!!!

And like I said, the production company he works for KNOWS he's a writer/director, and they're WAITING for him to hit 'em with a finished screenplay! And Kel seems to have an idea how he can shoot this thing with the resources he has at his disposal. (Some of these resources would astound you!!! Like the ability to take 15 pound off an already hot singer for her music video -- I've SEEN IT!)

So I am, naturally, ELATED!!! Not only has my first screenplay landed in my lap, but I don't have to write it alone!!! AND, it VERY WELL may turn out to be my first PRODUCED screenplay!!! (Second, if you count a pilot for an independant TV series that never got bought, back around 1995-ish. )

So YAY!!!

GREAT evening for Ray Jay!!!

And I'll be keeping you updated, natch.

PEACE!!!

A Couple of Cool Sites

Okay, you may already know about this site, but I only just discovered it and I HAVE TO share it!!! It's called I Am Bored and it's GENIUS!!!

Also, I found the official site for the animated CLERKS series!!! It's still up!!! (I LOVE that show!!! I wish they had produced more than 6 episodes!)

I JUST FINISHED CELL!!!

This ones a keeper!!!

Stephen King has written a novel that is as close as he's probably likely to get to a straight-up APOCOLYPTIC ZOMBIE FLICK!!!

I love me some apocolypse!!! (Fictitious, of course. Reall apocolypses tend to me so... you know... Horrifying.) Because the essence of any good apocolyptic story is what the survivors do AFTERWARD! We think of apocolypse and we thing "It's all over." But in apocolyptic literature, MOST of the story is about what comes next!

Plus, there's that whole examination of What Is Humanity? And What Is Civilization? And What Is Necessity? And What Is Truly Important To Us?

And CELL doesn't disppoint!!!

It's a good book! Defintely a worthy read!

My next read turns out to be a local author!!! MY LATE DAD'S PASTOR!!! She showed up to check on the family the day my Dad passed, she was really cool and sweet, and kind of took over stuff when she got there, so Mom and Brian and me didn't have to worry about morbid details. She was (and is) just this LIGHT!

And the sermon she gave at Dad's memorial service was respectful and expressed what we were feeling, but she also managed to be incredibly uplifiting and inspirational, too!!! (She helped me see my dad in a fulness I could not have known before.)

And this means A LOT coming from me, because I'm not a fan of death rituals, and I'm not a fan of organized religions. I believe we are meant to find our OWN connection to God, we shouldn't have a go-between. We don't talk to God's agent, we speak to the Man HImself, if you will.

But Tina -- Pastor Tina -- has this spirituality that can FULLY embrace a specific dogma, a specific doctrine without being exclusive about how she communicates the Truth. My best friend Kelly, who is a fiercely devout Christian, approved of her message just as passionately as I, a fiercely devout non-devotee, did.

And after Dad's service I read some of her sermons online, and felt compelled to email her and tell her how brilliant she is!

Anway, a recent email conversation found me going on about the shooting and writing and stuff I've been up to, and Pastor Tina says that when we become famous maybe we can adapt her novel into a movie.

HER NOVEL?!!

First of all, she's got 2 PHDs, is a brilliant orator, and obviously a wise theologian. So I wouldn't be the SLIGHTEST BIT surprised to hear that she had written a text of some sort.

But novels are FICTION. That's my 'hood! She writes FICTION!!!

LET ME AT IT!!!

So I hopped on Amazon and bought it, but it came after I had already begun CELL, and I HAD TO finish THAT ONE! (I'm a Horror-whore, in case you weren't already well aware of that.)

And now I'm stoked to leap into Tina's world

I've read the firt chapter, which is essentially a teaser, gauranteeing that you're in for a rough ride, but also assuring you that things will turn out okay.

Goorvy. I'm hooked!

So I may be going off about her novel the next time you hear from me.

For the time being, however, I'm going to finally sit down to THE CONSTANT GARDENER. I've done my laundry for the week, I've determined that The Muse isn't stopping by tonight, so there's no writing that needs to be done. I'm gonna watch me a movie!!!

Hmm...

If April showers bring May flowers, what do February sprinkles bring?

I don't have a clever punchline for that.

Just thought the question needed to be asked.

Any thoughts?

What A Weekend I've Had!!!

The weekend starts off with a bang.

Tisha is going to be in San Antonio all weekend, so for the price of a tank of gas (as oposed to the 3 or 4 tanks I buy when I drive to Levelland) I get to spend a day with my daughter!!!

The plan is that I get to sleep a quickly as I can when I get home Friday night, then wake up at 10 am so I can be in San Antonio at 1 pm.

Some people use Niquil or sleeping pills to get to sleep fast. I'm an old-fashioned boy; I shoot Jager.

Two shots, I climb into bed and pop some X-MEN: EVOLUTION in the portable dvd player.

I watch the fist episode on the disc, and I'm REALLY digging it! A little too much. It seems that the combination of the surround-sound effect of the headphones, the pretty good writing and really good animation of the show, and the alcohol are combining to have the reverse effect from what I was going for. I'm having too good a time here.

I need to get sleepy.

Two more shots of Jager.

Also, it's looking like and animated Action show isn't the best way to go. Maybe if I listen to some stand-up comedy... Stand-up is designed to activate the brain; the comedian paints word pictures so that he/she can engage you with a specific image, then surprise you with the punchline, which will be a humorously exaggerated image. Plus, they work with themes and ideas to give the jokes structure.

The point is that stand-up uses the mind.

And I've found, by falling to sleep to books-on-cd, that when I'm not laying in complete silence and dark, TRYING to fall asleep, but instead my mind is engaged creating images, and just not worrying about anything, I'm much more likely to actually doze off. The images created by the words I'm hearing become other images, just the random jetsom of my subconscious.

So I try some Bobcat Goldthwait, his album I DON'T MEAN TO INSULT YOU BUT YOU LOOK JUST LIKE BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT.

I end up laughing a lot and listening to the WHOLE album!

Okay, two more shots and some George Carlin that I've heard at least three times already.

I guess I ended up drifting off around 5:30 am -- which isn't too far from the time I usually fall asleep.

It never fails! When you WANT TO go to sleep, you just can't!

So I wake up around 12:30 pm to the phone ringing. It's Tisha. She can tell by my voice that I'm still asleep.

"You slept through your alarm, huh?"

"Yep. Sorry! I'll get in the shower NOW!"

I have a vague memory of the alarm going off... I set it for 10 am -- which would give me an hour to get up and get ready. My memory is looking at the clock and seeing that it's 11:28 am. I think I remember sitting up.

Then I DEFINITELY remember waking up to the phone.

So I get to San Antonio some 2 hours later than I intended, but once I get there all is right with the world!

Tisha has braces now, and they look COOL!

Plus every time I see her she's taller than the last time!

Her best friend Marisa had accompanied her on the trip, and her grandparents/adoptive parents had business that they were still busy with, so the three of us catted around the Riverwalk.

Mostly shopping. Tisha wanted UT gear, and they both wanted to find gift to take back to their boyfriends.

I brought the camera, so I spent a lot of my time shooting them and the sights.

We bombed around downtown SA for a while, but when we got back to the place Connie and Dale were, they were STILL busy! So Tisha and Marisa and I played what I call "Travel Clue" for a while in the lobby.

This is basically CLUE without the board and dice. You ask questions and mark down stuf on your little notepad until someone figures out Who and How and Where. Without the board, the game moves a LOT faster, and you can fit the whole setup into a plastic sandwich back that you can slip in your back pocket. (I keep mine in my Homestar Runner satchel that I take everywhere with me.)

Oh, yeah! When I got to the building where Tisha was, and I met Marisa for the first time, Marisa takes a single look at my bag and says "That's Homestar Runner"!!! I know RIGHT OFF THE BAT that Marisa's Good People!

So anyway, we get 2 and a half games in before Connie and Dale are finally through.

Tisha and I tend to play this game whenever we're together for more than a day, so we've got our strategy down, AND we have a good sense of how to keep an eye on each other. I won the first game because I had my eye on Tisha and I spotted the moment she figured it out. (So she SHOULD HAVE won, but I exploited the rules of the game and stole her thunder. Yes, I AM that much of a bastard.) But Tisha won the second game. Because I stole her first win, she was less careful and moved faster on the accusation.

Then, before we were far into the third game, Connie and Dale were done and we all hit the Alamo!

After the Alamo we did more shopping. I got to talk politics with Dale, which is something he LOVES to do. He's a Conservative and I used to be way-Liberal, but I lean more toward Libertarian nowadays. Still, he loves to debate ideals with me. I don't know why. I'm guessing it's because his household is full of women, who simply REFUSE to even listen. (That's not always true: Tisha can be very political at times. Year before last she and Dale and I got into a debate in which she her views were more conservative that Dales! Dale and I were on the same side of that debate!!! Almsot NEVER happens!)

After shopping was dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe -- and that was my FIRST TIME to go there! Not the one in San Antonio, specifically, but ANY Hard Rock Cafe!

That was pretty cool.

Then we went to the River Center mall. It was neat, it's this multilevel mall BUILT AROUND THE RIVER!!! So where ever you are in the mall, the windows you're ALWAYS looking out over the river!

I hadn't had coffee all day, so while the ladies shopped for clothes, Dale and I went for coffee -- and more politics talk.

We closed the mall and then hung out at their hotel room for a bit, then I came home and caught up on the last 2 episodes of GILMORE GIRLS -- which were both GREAT!

Then I woke up a little before 5:00 pm today, JUST in time for the weekly Family Dinner w/Mom and Brian.

After that, I went to see FINAL DESTINATION 3... AND IT WAS GREAT!!! The third movie in the franchise is JUST AS GOOD as the first 2!!! Those are some filmmakers who REALLY, LEGITIMATELY CARE about us, their audience!!!

Then after the movie I finally gave into the silent hype... Every time I go to Walmart Stephen King's new novel CELL just keeps yelling at me, "BUY ME! YOU'LL LIKE THIS ONE, BUY ME!!!" Only, because it's Stephen King (hit-and-miss for me) I would rather have the book-on-cd. His longest, least intriguing tomes are still great when you're traveling, or while you play Tomb Raider 3! PLUS, with my ZVUE I can take my books ANYWHERE! (After I convert the discs -- there are 12, 13 hours of play! -- into mp3s, of course.)

So while I was still riding the adrenalin rush from FD3, I stopped by Borders on the way home and grabbed CELL on cd -- unabridged, and 30% off!!!

And while I've been writing this entry, I've also been converting the discs to mp3s. I'm about to start Disc 10.

And that catches you up with my weekend.

Perhaps less exciting for you than it was for me... But this is my blog, so nyah :P

A Sound Rant

To wind down last night I watched THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK on my portable dvd player in my room.

(Don't know why I was in the mood for that particular movie, I just was. Usually when I feel like watching dinosaurs terrorize humankind I watch JP III. I've seen the first movie TOO many times, so I don't really watch it anymore. Besides, if I'm in the mood to visit Jurassic Park I've got the book-on-cd version of Michael Crichton's novel, read by John Heard. It's abridged, running, like, 3 hours TRT, and yet it still packs 50% more story and action that the movie was able to fit in! Plus, it's darker in tone with a more scientific bent -- like most of Crichton's work. GOOD STUFF!)

I was surprised how much I enjoyed this viewing last night!

There are a couple of reliable scare moments in LOST WORLD that are gaurenteed to make me jump, but what surprised me most was how much I got into just the action of the movie! I was really interested the whole way through! When I saw the movie in the theater I was disappointed, and when I watched it on VHS or dvd afterward it was usually just because I wanted to watch dinosaurs and had seen the first one too many times.

But last night, I really dug on the flick!

And I think what made it work was the headphones!

Let me explain a bit:

When I saw the American version of GODZILLA on the Big Screen the first 3 times, I LOVED it! I had a blast! I really enjoyed that movie!!! I kid you not.

On the Big Screen.

When I watched in on VHS, and later on dvd, I wan't impressed AT ALL. I grew to loath the flick. Well, not loath it... It was more like I pittied it for all it's short-comings. For all the ways it failed us, the audience, when it so enthusiastically thought it was being revolutionary or something. It took a lot of chances, and most of them failed.

On VHS and dvd, that is.

So what's the difference between the media?

The EXPERIENCE. The movie-viewing experience is VASTLY different in the theater than at home on TV.

In the theater the image is some 20 feet high and however many feet long, and the lights are out -- so ALL you can see is the movie.

At home, these white or off-white walls reflect all the light, either sunlight coming in from the windows or lamp light bouncing around, to really emphasize how small your TV screen is. You are INTENSELY aware -- subconsciously, if nothing else -- of the fact that you're watching TV.

You're just watching a movie on TV. Nothing special. No big deal. It's just TV.

If someone wants to talk to you, you are socially responsible for listening to them. After all, it's not like you're in a movie theater or anything.

Ya gotta go to the bathroom? PAUSE, "Be right back." There's no urgency, no "Do I have time? What's gonna happen next? Should I hold it? They might be kissing for a while, but what if that thing's still behind the door? I could miss it!"

Unless you are seeing the movie for the first or second time, watching it on TV is not in any way an EVENT. You're just killin' time.

I'm saying that it's psychological. Subconscious. It's the size of the screen, the fact that you can see EVEREYTHING around the screen, and the subconscious attitutudes and habbits we have programmed into us about watching a movie on TV. We tend not to be IMMERSED IN movies on TV.

Okay. So why was my viewing last night so intense and enjoyable?

I was watching on a PORTABLE DVD PLAYER. We're not talking about an IMAX screen here. In fact, the screen on my dvd player is approximately a quarter of the size of the screen on my computer monitor.

The picture's CRISP... but COMPACTED. In fact, if you've ever sized-down a jpeg image, and you noticed those little artifacts (that kid of pixelation sort of ) that occur when you make an image TOO small... That occurs to video sometimes on my dvd player.

I mean, I can see everything clearly and sharply. In fact, I caught a few in-jokes when the bus gets slammed into the video store. There are posters for the following movies in the store: Arnold Schwartzenegger in WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S KING LEAR, Robin Williams as the Giant in JACK AND THE BEANSTALK, and Tom Hanks in TSUENOMI SUNRISE! (I had to zoom-in to be able to read Tom Hanks's name, though.)

Still, it's not what I'm looking at that makes the movie as exciting as it was on the Big Screen.

I believe -- and that's why I bothered to sit down and write this little tome -- that it's WHAT I'M HEARING that makes it work.

I've known for a LONG time about the power of audio. Been a fan since I was on a family trip around age 12 or 13, and I escaped the boredom of listening to adults catch up with adult stuff by popping a cassette of THE LONE RANGER radio show into my walkman and disappearing into the Wild West! Then, when I fell in love with the Tom Hanks/Dan Akroyd movie DRAGNET and I discovered that before it was a cheesy, too-serious-for-its-own-good TV show it was a cheesy, too-serious-for-its-own-good radio show, I ran down to the Ector County Public Library and checked out all the tapes they had of the show. Even then, I had already been listening to the vinyl album of Orson Welles's infamous radio broadcast of THE WAR OF THE WORLDS, the research about which had gotten me into THE SHADOW. Plus, stumbling across a cassette -- around Halloween time, I think -- of an episode of THE INNER SANCTUM introduced me to the sheer joy that is audio-horror!

So I've long frequented the Theatre of the Mind, and have long known that the imagination could conjure far more gruesome, exciting, or straight-up beautiful images than any combination of director, cinematographer, art director and special effects wizard.

Still, that's not what I'm talking about here. LOST WORLD already HAD images. I was watching them. (Plus, Spielberg's a brilliant filmmaker, he tells the story visually; if I hadn't been looking at the pictures I wouldn't have know what was going on.)

I'm talking about SOUND DESIGN.

Since the late '80s (at least since the time that Lucas created the THX sound system) cinema sound designers have been hiring and/or training aural GENIUSES! Their techniques are so subtle and so sophisticated that if there is something going on off-screen that doesn't exist exept in sound (say there's a fire that we saw the shot before, and now we're getting the reactions of the characters that are watching this building burn; we see the faces, but we hear the fire) the sound will shift between the cuts so that it's on the proper side of the character! And in such a scene, the off-camera sound is the ONLY thing keeping that fire alive in our imaginations! That's TOTALLY the work of the sound designers!

And that's a subtle thing, but it's not even as subtle as these guys get! I was watching the scene where Malcom is visiting Hammond at his (Hammond's) estate, and I had to pause the movie a couple of times and remove the headphones just to be sure this tiny little tinkling sound was actually coming from the movie. Hammond, apparently, was listening to this classical piano piece. But the sound mix had it almost completely removed from the soundtrack. It was this tiny little subliminal key to Hammond's character that revealed that while he was at home he always had this sublime music filling the large space of the home. Here in his room, it was almost inaudible. But in the reality of the world of the movie, almost inaudible or not, this sound would be there -- even if just barely.

The reality of filmmaking means that this room was most likely a sound stage, in no way attatched to the vast hallway we had just seen in the scene before. But the sound designers are all about helping CREATE the reality of the movie!

The night before that I wound-down watching the first X-MEN movie, and was more emotionally engaged in it thatn I had expected to be!

Don't get me wrong: Bryan Singer is a GREAT director and X-MEN is a straight-up great movie! I ALWAYS enjoy watching that movie!!!

But I did enjoy watching it on my tiny little dvd player much more than I expected.

And I believe it's about the sound.

I think that even without the spacial effect of having the 5-point surroundsound setup, the headphones immerses you in the world, which in turn brings you emotionally into the world of the movie.

I know that's the case with some of the great audio I've heard!

I'm not talking about X MINUS ONE or LIGHTS OUT. Those were recorded in mono. Those merely illustrate the power of listening with your imagination.

But I am talking about the HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY radio series (particularly the Tertiary, Quandary and Quintessential Phases!) and the CHRONICLES OF NARNIA RADIO THEATRE and the STAR WARS RADIO DRAMAS!!!

SERIOSULY! Slide some headphones on and listen to a single episode of ANY of those series!!! It is a SINGULAR delight!

Why am I going on about this?

I guess I'm just still amazed that something that gets so little notice can be SO impacting!

Plus, who knows? Maybe someone will read this an look at audio dramas or theatrical cinema in a new way.

Mainly, though, I guess I just woke up obsessed with the notion, and had to get it out of me...

Here's A Good Story...

This is a good one. It's kind of like the Oral Hygiene On The Highway story. Happened to me just today...

Alright, so last night I go off on my little tangent about how great it would be to have an email flirt-friend, and there's this girl on MySpace that, out of no where, has emailed me to say she wanted to be friends. I emailed her back and said that'd be cool.

Her profile says she's an L.A. girl, so it's not going anywhere beyond the Net. And unless she's EXTREMELY unbalanced, she gets that, too.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not naive. I get that it's highly suspicious when a hottie (MySpace has pics in your profile, so when you email each other, you get to see what the person emailing looks like) just decides she wants to get to know me out of nowhere. I mean, I'm CUTE... But... Women usually have to have at least one several-hour, in-depth philosophical/spiritual conversation with be before they start thinking of me as a being with genitals.

Still, I'm not looking for much, right? I'm not even looking for something REAL. Just some little online flirting to distract me every now and then.

So okay. Her second email includes her personal email address as a "sign of trust". Cool. I'm down. Her emails are short, and kind of form-letter-y, but she's just being safe. So I email her from my real email addy and talk a little longer, break the ice a bit. I ask her what interested her in my profile and cop to what interests me about hers, admitting that her agressive friendliness is really attractive.

I'm at work, and I just finished the heavy portion of my job, the portion that keeps me busy the longest, and I log in to my email and see that SHE HAS ALREADY REPLIED TO MY EMAIL!!!

Hmm...

Things could be looking UP for Ray Jay...

So I take care of a couple of small things, make sure nothing here at work is going to blow up if I take a minute to read a message, and then I open her message up.

It says, like, "Hey, Honey" and "Thanks for responding to my email" and "You're so sweet" and stuff. Then it says "here's another picture of me"...

AND THEN she says "you can see me on my webcam" and sends me an URL to HER WEBSITE!!! AND TELLS ME WE CAN CHAT THERE!!! (After I clear an age check, though, which will PROBABLY involve my credit card number...)

I'm being WORKED by a PRO!

Now, I've GOT TO GIVE IT UP TO HER for her marketing strategy! Seriously, a well-deserved KUDOS to the babe for a BRILLIANT recruiting method!!! You can particularly see the cleverness of her strategy if you read my previous blog entry (I'm not trying to plug it, just making a point) and get the headspace I'm kind of sometimes in!

She doesn't know it, but I'm a PERFECT mark! (Well, ALMOST perfect; I'm a bit TOO inquisitive and attentive...)

You go to some online gathering place, email every cat who might be a potential customer, then after a couple of ingeniuously sparse -- yet flirty, don't forget the flirty! -- emails you GIVE your "personal" email address and "real" name, BEFORE THEY DO. Thus you are making yourself vulnerable. Any dude's gonna "volunteer" his real email addy right back!

(I studied magic for about a year with a buddy of mine. We call this tactic a "force". You often do it with cards. You appear to randomize the deck -- by cutting it or doing apparently arbitrary things to mix the cards up -- then tell the mark to take the top card, or middle card, or bottom card or whatever, and the card they pick is the card you have setup for them to pick. Only they believe that THEY picked that card.)

Then, when you have their email addy, THAT'S when you reel 'em in.

Now, to be honest, I haven't looked at that picture she attatched. And I haven't visited the site, either. (I'm at work, so you know... I'll wait.) So I don't know for FACT -- yet -- that I'm a mark.

But let's be REAL...

Oh, and what I intentionally DIDN'T tell you earlier -- because I didn't want to forshadow the punchline, which I KNOW you would have figured out before I did -- was that after receiving her first email I checked out her profile fairly thoroughly. Not a lot there. "I like the outdoors" and "guys who are natural and sensitive." Real sort of evasive, Beauty Queen stuff -- "If I win I'll work to stop world hunger and help the environment..."

But when you check out her FRIENDS...!!!

On MySpace you have a Friends List, which is people who have accounts on MySpace and who have agreed to put you on their Friends List also.

Her Friends List is 17 pages long (mine is 1; my teenage daughter's is 2), and it's 99% dudes! Every type of dude you can imagine, except gay!

Now, I didn't know what this meant at the time, but I made a mental note of it.

So she's insecure and needs to have the attention of a lot of guys. I can respect that. I'm one of a number. Cool. It's not like I'm looking for a girlfriend. Just an email flirt-buddy.

But I'm trying to work it out: She's not an escort, 'cause why would she look for clientele THIS far away? Maybe she's an exotic dancer? Pretty much, same question.

Her profile meantions wanting guys to "spoil" her. This is Chick Speak for "spend a lot of money on me," but this is the Internet. How would THAT apply? What, she's gonna start talking like we're girlfriend & boyfriend somewhere down the road and then ask me when I'm gonna fly her out so we can meet face-to-face? That's easy enough to deal with: "Sorry, I can't afford to." She stops emailing and it's over. Fine. I can deal with that. So I figure there's no way she can get money out of me. Let's see where this goes.

OOOOHHHH! THAT'S where this goes!!!

NOW I get it!

I simply hadn't CONSIDERED Internet porn!

But if I open up the picture she attached and she's all naked and naughty in it, (1) I'll know for certain that I've guessed correctly about her and (2) I'm TOTALLY making it my desktop wallpaper!!!

Plus, one more time, I had to laugh at the sheer GENIUS of her marketing!!! Now THAT'S some skillful entrepreneurship!!!

And I don't know if I've done the story any justice here, but the whole experience is PRETTY DAMN FUNNY!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Friggin' Valentine's Day...

It's THAT time of year again!

The time of year when ya just can't escape notions of romance! I mean, I'm happy with my lot. I'd even go so far as to say I'm BLESSED in my life! But the human condition seems to include an inescapable desire for whatever it is we don't have. And romance is, like, the ONE place my life is lacking!

Okay, I could be paid more, and I could be working exclusively in my chosen field -- creating entertainment (films, audio stories, novels, the works). But that's just about time and effort, it's a destination at the end of a process. (It's also the beginning of ANOTHER process, but that's outside the purview of this discussion.)

For the most art, though, I dig on, and deeply appreciate, the life I live!!! It's a lifestyle that keeps me in possitive mental and emotional and spiritual health! It's a lifestyle that makes me disinterested in going to sleep and eager to wake up!

How many people can say that about their lives? Can YOU? (If you can, RIGHT ON! THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!!!)

But this current lifestyle doesn't really allow for (1) time to go out and meet new people frequently or (2) the necessary disposable income that makes going out and meeting new people possible.

One friend suggested, very wisely, that I simply pick a coupld of nights a week and go do my writing at a coffee shop. This would put me in place where I might meet new folks, and if I did meet new people at the hours I would be available to hang at a coffee shop (LATE... or EARLY, depending on your pespective) they would be people with compatible schedules!

I got excited! I didn't have any money that week, but next paycheck I would start!

...but then... you know, LIFE happens. Some dvd came out that I NEEDED to own, or some flick came out in theaters that was a must-see for me, or SOMETHING.

Point is, I never implimented this plan, and doubt I will be implimenting it any time soon.

I'm not complaining, mind you. I would MUCH rather be alone and creating when I'm not at work than in a relationship with the WRONG person. I mean, if she's not a writing, filmmaking or horror-flick/animation-flick/sci-fi geek herself, I'd just make her miserable. (Been there, done THAT.)

Still...

I AM human...

And that patch of grass over there by you sure does look GREEN...

I actually googled "email flirting", hoping that there might be a site or sites dedicated to people in my particular predicament: Too busy -- for the moment -- to actually go on dates, but seeking that little extra something you get when another peson is PARTICULARLY interested in YOU.

Know what I found?

Tips on how to write emails that entice the other party to commit to that first date.

And tips on how to all-out SEDUCE chicks via email.

Apparently I'm the only person in this particular dilemma. I can believe it's actually true, but there just don't seem to be services set up to provide temporary relief for those who are working to accomplish a specific goal, but also could stand to feel like they're special to someone else as they pursue their goal.

I know what you're thinking... "You could just join an on-line dating service." I COULD, but they're geared toward getting people on that all-important First Date. I'd blow the wad on the service and not have any money left over for the date! Besides, I'm sure "Hey, I don't have the time or money to take you out, so can we just flirt online for a few years? You know, until I accomplish my life-long dream of BREAKING INTO THE MOVIE BUSINESS" is something EVERY girl wants to be asked.

"Oh. You're one of THOSE," would be the inevitable reply email.

That, or the MORE dreaded, "You're HOW old?"

Blah.

Like I said, I'm not sincerely complaining. I believe that there is a flow to life, which means that there are also ebbs. Creatively, I'm in a flow. Romantically, I'm in an ebb. It's life. It's how it is for the time. Everything ALWAYS changes, and that's not a bad thing at all.

But I'm intellectually frustrated. I can't help feeling as though there's some part of this puzzled that I'm not seeing, or I'm not looking at in the right way. It's like there's some variable I'm failing to take into account, one that holds the solution, which will inevitably turn out to be ridiculously simple!

Isn't that always the way? You abng your head against a wall for a long time, then when you find the solution you go, "Oh! Of course! Why didn't I see that right away?!"

Anyway, Valentine's Day... Bah humbug!

When are they going to create a Live In The Moment Day, wherein we who are capable of enjoying what we HAVE and where we ARE in life are congratulated, and those-who-are-always-looking-for-that-greener-grass-without-taking-the-time-to-simply- appreciate-what-is-already-theirs are encouraged to experience genuine appreciation for the day?

Oh, wait... There's no money to be made that way. You can't very well entice people to spend money they otherwise wouldn't have spent that day on a holiday "sale" if the holiday embraces contendedness...

Okay, how about this: A girlfriend/boyfriend RENTAL agency!!! For that on-the-go person. You don't have time to develop and nurture a relationship? NO PROBLEM! Come on down to Significant Others R Us and we'll hook you up with a Temp Other for a reasonable price!

I mean, those of us who can't afford to buy a home are allowed to RENT an appartment! It's not like if you can't find THE house that you want to live in for the rest of your life, you have to live in an alley! (Or, in my case, your first choice of house is a bit unrealistic...)

But try to rent a date and you're charged with "solicitation"!

That's a shame, too. Because I could forgo buying as many movies as I do if it were a choice between occasional affection and OWNING a movie I could simply get via Netflix. I think I could find room in my budget for flirtatious emails and/or phone calls. I could find the time, too!

I'm not talking "adult" phone calls, either! Phone sex just isn't the same as a "Just called because I was thinking about you," ya know?

Maybe THAT'S how I can make my FIRST MILLION! I create an inexpensive service for people who are living good lives, but they're just not yet where they're headed in life, and they don't yet have the time or money to date around!

Nah.

It would most likely just degenerate into Intenet porn and phone sex before the business was a month old. People would be emailing "So, ya got any NAKED pictures you can send me?" and asking their phone girlfriends "What are ya wearin'?"

Blah.

The solution continues to elude me.

And it usually get's stcuk in my craw twice a year: Spring & VD.

Friggin' Valentine's Day.